Over a year ago I posted "Things I'm Afraid To Tell You". It was scary as all hell but it also felt so unbelievably good to let all of my faults run away into the world and escape my head. It almost made it feel like I fixed myself once I got them all out there for the world to see. And since I've been posting nothing but fluff lately, I figured it was about time to do round two. So here we go.
>> I've written out and then deleted a specific Facebook status update a solid ten times in the past couple months. I type it all out, almost hit publish, and then 'X' out the whole thing after staring at my words for a few minutes. I'm so angry that I get within millimeters of just letting my pissed off protective flag fly only to then retract it in fear of being "that girl" airing her dirty laundry out on the Facebook line to dry.
>> Some days I feel happily excited about the possibility of settling down in my hometown. Other days I feel completely empty, terrified, and trapped just by the mere thought of it.
>> I don't have a 401k and haven't made a single stride in terms of putting away even a dime for retirement. What even is retirement anyway?
>> On March 1st I said I was going to actually start my "get fit" journey. That lasted all of two weeks and I'm back to never working out and eating Chinese take out at least once a week. And now I seriously think I'll never be able to feel comfortable in my new "holy shit, my metabolism took the first train out after turning 24 and I can't eat whatever I want and still weigh 105 pounds anymore" skin.
>> If my hair never got greasy I'd never shower. I effing hate showering. Honest.
>> I somehow was able to save more money every month living in New York City than I am living back at home. Excuse me for a moment while I smack myself across the skull and wonder how in the actual HELL that's even possible.
>> I don't have many friends to do things with here. Moving away for five years and then moving back has made that aspect of life really hard. Sometimes I feel like a total loser sitting home on a Saturday night with my only option being whatever my parents are doing.
>> I completely and wholeheartedly judge those who still do drugs after college.
>> I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be at almost 26. In my 18 year old eyes, I was married thinking about having babies soon. In my 25 year old eyes I feel like a complete and utter moron for not even knowing the first step in going about getting health insurance, let alone thinking about getting pregnant. Adulthood sure isn't what I pictured it to be.
>> I'm not humble. I wasn't even aware of this until I started dating Trevor and saw how unbelievably humble he is, but it's something I'm actively working on now that I've realized it.
>> I'm extremely lazy. I have so many dreams and wants and plans and goals, but do any of them happen? Absolutely not. And why? Because I'd rather sit my ass on the couch watching Real Housewives (hey Bethenny, thanks for coming back) than get after it by doing something productive. I need to learn more Photoshop tricks. I need to learn how to code for Wordpress. I need to learn how to use my damn DSLR. I need to find a way to make my side job a full-time job. But I'm seriously just so lazy the majority of the time and have zero motivation to get my shit together and do it all.
>> I've eaten more of my boyfriend's Easter basket than he has.
>> I'm terrified of ever losing the overwhelmingly happy, indescribable, magical love that I've felt these past (almost) eight months. I honestly feel like I've found forever and I'm absolutely petrified of it not actually becoming my forever.
>> On work days I wake up, brush my teeth, wipe the leftover mascara away from under my eyes, and head out the door five minutes later in my sweatpants or pajamas. Cute.
And there we have it, friends. Try not to judge me too hard and feel free to play along!