It's Going Down, I'm Yelling Tinder

Online dating. Depending on who you talk to, these could quite possibly be the two scariest (and most judged) words when strung together. Take them away and add in the sole word "Tinder" and things get even sketchier. I totally get why Tinder gets such a bad rap but since I've been on the other side of the judgement, actively going on Tinder dates in the past, I can't really hate on it. 

Sure there was that one god freaking awful date that I went on and ended up blogging about. That was enough to scar me from the online world of dating for, umm ever, but sure enough I kept on trucking. And thank goodness because I ended up meeting my then boyfriend. We all remember hunkfest, no? While we obviously are no longer together, I am tremendously grateful and glad that I have that relationship under my belt because I learned quite a lot about myself and what I wanted (and didn't) out of a relationship. Plus it also proves that Tinder isn't a complete and utter shitshow since I'm about the pickiest broad in the world and ended up finding a guy I actually could bring home to my parents' right?

But anyway, those are just a couple of my Tinder stories. The good and the bad. But today I have Jordyn here to discuss some more with you, so keep reading because it's quite entertaining, enjoy!

--------------------------

Hi guys, I'm not Erin, although sometimes I wish I was. Not only does the girl have fabulous hair but also mad decorating skills. I'm Jordyn (I blog at The Fairy Princess Diaries) and despite my subpar decorating skills and frizzy hair, I still like to write, and I'd be just charmed if just for today you'd like to read.

As a newly single college girl who had no interest in flirting with any more frat boys, I decided to give Tinder a try. I know what you're thinking, you're judging me, and it's cool because I'm judging me too. I'm here to vouch for Tinder, not as a means of finding your Prince Charming (although who knows I guess) but as another opportunity altogether. 

You see, when I first joined Tinder I had no idea how to date...but the weirdest part was I didn't know that I had no idea how to date. I had been a serial monogamist since I was 13 years old so in my mind I was practically Carrie Bradshaw. Poor baby Jordyn had so much left to learn.

guestpostphoto

The first lesson I learned on Tinder was how picky you're allowed to be. Bachelor #1's pictures are blurry, to the trash he goes. Bachelor #2 can't seem to tell the difference between "you're" and "your" buh-bye. Bachelor #3 spells his name "Conuer" is that supposed to be "Conner" or "Connor", or something different altogether...pretty sure this is an awkward pronunciation situation waiting to happen...um no. Then there's Bachelor #4. Bachelor #4 is pretty cute, has a picture with a puppy, followed by one wearing a bow tie (#swoon), only to steal your heart with the that one of him kissing his Grandma on the cheek! Against your better judgement (and the dating advice your parents gave you) you decide to give Tinder Bachelor #4 a try.

After a few "swipe right"s (matches) and way more "ew no"s,  you start talking to a few guys. My type tends to resemble Peter Parker in the sense that they're usually a gawky, awkward, science major preferably with bad enough vision to accessorize with thick rimmed glasses. Tinder is the perfect place to "expand your horizons" per se, and try on a few new types to see how you like them. Trust me when I say all the types are there but here are a few you are GUARANTEED to encounter.

The Grown Up Frat Boy - This guy is just like a regular frat boy but all grown up and graduated from college. He's pretty to look at, has copious amounts of alcohol available at all times and overuses winky faces via text. Unlike the frat guys of your past, he has his own apartment (no sleeping porch cuddling, wohoo), a real job (yay grown up dates) and even more game (uh-oh). This guy will gaze into your eyes longingly over dinner, call you "baby" on a second date, and as all frat boys do, make promises he has no intention of keeping. He says he wants to take you out on his boat, on a hike, to meet his friends, etc. It's all music to the ears just know this is one of those "they all say things you want to hear when there are ulterior motives involved" situations so be cautious.

The Techy Nerd - Your first date with the techy nerd will probably be a chill meet up for coffee, he might spill tea on himself, casually bring up binary code, and stutter a little bit as he hugs you goodbye. His awkwardness is mainly just awkward but a small part of you may find it endearing, especially those of you who lay awake fantasizing about Peter Parker (aka me). After a date or two you will be convinced Techy Nerd is not only obsessed with you but head over heels in love with you. He can't stop ranting about how beautiful you are, he laughs at all your jokes, and most importantly he goes out of his way to plan out sweet dates. You start envisioning your life talking nerdy instead of talking dirty until he becomes so wrapped up in coding and compilers or er… something, can a guy who designs phone apps in his free time really not be bothered to text you back?!

The Hipster- Naturally I was drawn to the Hipster due to his suspenders and thick rimmed glasses. The hipster will most likely draw you in with intelligent conversation, witty jokes and the curiosity that come along with a guy who invites you to play croquet with his handmade croquet set on a first date. It's so cute how he wears the same jeans as you and drives the cutest little mini cooper and sends you those ironic selfies of him wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt to bed. Dates with your hipster suitor will never be ordinary (or mainstream) but even ladies as "not basic" as you and I just want to see a non indie film and grab coffee at effing Starbucks once in awhile right?!

The Insta-Husband - Insta Husband is ready to settle down from the moment he meets you. You'll know because he'll show up with your favorite flowers on your first date (uh...did you ever tell him your favorite flowers?!) and quickly toss around jokes about how beautiful and genetically superior your children together would (ahem "will") be. You'll laugh off his premature commitment until he starts grilling you on your family's history of fertility, where you hope to raise your kids, and whether or not you carry the red headed gene. Suddenly you'll feel all kinds of claustrophobic and kicking "Insta-Husband" to the curb will be a no brainer.

The "DTF" Bro - You'll know "DTF" Bro because as soon as you meet up for lunch he'll suggest tequila shots and a quick trip back to his apartment. Do regular people do things like tequila shots before 1:00pm, does this bro have like...a job?! Some "DTF" bros are even bold enough to suggest this sort of intimacy before you even meet in the flesh or exchange phone numbers. I've never been so lucky as to encounter such a bold maneuver via Tinder, which either says I'm really selective with the guys I talk to or there's something incredibly off putting about my profile. Either way this dude is most likely trouble, even if you are "DTF", anyone daring enough to become this close with a complete stranger and potential catfish (uh hello you could have totally stolen those photos from anyone (see "Erin's Catfish") should be critically examined for flaws and reexamined until you discover what is wrong with said human.

What can these Tindermen teach you about dating? About life? About yourself? I'm going to sound like a complete lunatic when I say this but I can honestly preach that Tinder has taught me more about dating and yes even myself (outside of dating) than I could have ever imagined. Tinder has taught me how to date (you know like real dates not just "hanging out"), how to let myself be pursued (instead of overanalyzing three word text messages for four hours) and most importantly how to find fulfillment and value in myself outside of others. 

There are going to be guys who tell you you are beautiful just to make you feel like crap when they don't text the next day. There are going to be guys who surprise you with the perfect date only to move on to the next girl before he even drops you off at home. There are going to be guys who make you homemade candles and text you nonstop for weeks only to freak out and go missing the minute you mention meeting for drinks with you and your friends. 

Moral of the story, you wonderful you, are just as gorgeous, intelligent, hilarious and worthy of love, whether or not your Tinder date sees it or not. Tinder can be inflating, and humbling and in the end a great reminder that who we are doesn't change just because Mr. Sexy-Sixpack conveniently looses our number.

xxoo,
Jordyn

Blog | Twitter | Instagram

-----------------------

Can we just get an amen to this guest post?! This is easily one of my favorites yet. 

Image Map