I took a walk through this adorable little park on the Upper West Side yesterday with the little man. We sniffed some tulips, took pictures, ran around in circles, attempted to not pull every single petal off of every single flower, sneezed more times that I can count on all twenty fingers and toes, and hung out on the benches for awhile watching the airplanes go by while enjoying the sunshine.
For some odd reason, it was here that I found myself questioning this whole blogging thing.
There are days when I see quotes that say something like "stop informing everyone about your life and start living it instead". You know, to forgo posting a Facebook status letting everyone know you're at a Yankees game and instead actually watch the innings and maybe even know what the score is after the 9th. Or to enjoy the heart-shaped grilled cheese you just made instead of Instagramming a shot of it halfway out of your frame. Or to maybe even just watch The Bachelor without having to tweet every six point seven seconds about watching it.
I'm obviously not guilty for any of these things. But this all causes me to wonder if I'm wasting too much time online. Too much time on social media. Too much time preparing things for this blog.
In essence: too much time uploading my life instead of downloading it.
Because when I break down the hours in my day, a heavy portion of them are all spent informing everyone else about my life and what's going on it. Sometimes I even find myself doing something just because I want to show everyone that I'm doing it. Like that heart-shaped grilled cheese. Would I have whipped out the cookie cutter on a random weekday night while alone in my apartment if I there was no Instagram to show anyone that I had a pretty sandwich instead of just an average one? Absolutely not. And that's kind of really sad when you think about it.
So I stop for a second (you know, in the garden park while my two year old nanny kid starts stomping on worms) and I ask myself if it's really all worth it. The planning, the picture taking, the posting, the social media-ing, the staging. Should I let go of the crazy blogger lifestyle and just slow it all down so I can live my life for me without all of the pressure?
Sometimes I think yes.
Then I snap out of it, flip the penny over, and remember all the good that can come from the uploading side of this journey.
Because without all of that I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near where I am today. I wouldn't have made life-long friendships with complete strangers that live seven states away. There wouldn't be a journal chronicling my daily life happenings to look back on one day when I'm fifty and miss my twenty-something year old life. I wouldn't have delved deeper into who I actually am without forcing myself to open up amidst all of these blog posts. My bank account wouldn't have seen any extra side income. These passions of mine that I've recently discovered would most likely still be buried deep down in me somewhere. I wouldn't have challenged myself to get creative, to think like an entrepreneur, to stick with a hobby for longer than half a day, or to just simply put myself out there for the world to see.
So it may seem narcissistic that anyone would think their lifestyle is interesting enough to be worth reading. It may seem ridiculous to stage a picture of your bathing suit just to get a few more likes on Instagram. It may seem absolutely pointless to waste time doing anything other than living your life for you and only you. But without all of that, you'd never get to experience any of the absolutely amazing and life changing positives that come along with it.
And as long as those consistently remain on the heavier side of the imaginary scale, then any of the "Is this really all worth it?" type questioning can just go take a hike.