I've always been one of those girls that counts down the days until the next big thing. The next vacation. The next semester of school. The end of my apartment lease so I can move on to the next one. The next trip to visit a boy toy. The next time I can let my self purchase new fall boots (every other year). There doesn't even need to be a next thing for me to be trying to hurry myself along to get to it; I'll do it regardless.
I'm a very strict planner and scheduler in that sense. I used to draw out an entire semester's worth of weeks down the length of the back page of each of my class notebooks in college, just so I could literally cross out each day as I went along. Forget actual calendars and planners, though, for some reason I needed to do things my own way, even then. No surprise there since I still never use a planner, let alone "to do" lists. Then again maybe I should start so that I can feel like there's less of a chaotic whirlwind spinning itself around in between my temples every day. But then again, yeah, probably not.
And I digress...
The point was that I constantly found myself wishing away the days of my life in order to arrive at the next exciting destination faster. Trying to get Monday - Friday over with as fast as possible just to make it to the fun part of the week. And that's an awful feeling to find yourself hiding away in when your life motto goes entirely against the very thought of doing such a thing.
Because I've also always been one of those girls that has viewed life as more of a straight forward part of science rather than some beautifully gifted thing from God. There's birth and death just like there is with a deer or an ant and life is whatever you decide to do in between. You are entirely welcome for that little bit of a science lesson right there. I know it was riveting stuff.
Each of us knows our beginning, but not a single one of us knows our end. Yet so many of us seem to walk through life living like we'll be guaranteed a long healthy journey straight on into our eighties. And then we become so commonplace in those thoughts that we get stuck in the daily grind of an average robotic routine. Which then causes us to stop hustling hard enough to turn our dreams into realities. We stop making things that need to be changed an actual priority, and instead push them to the back burner for "another day" or "maybe tomorrow". And then one day, the deer gets nailed by a suburban and the ant gets smacked by the sole of a flip flop and the game's all over. It's as easy as that.
Yet somewhere along the way, I snapped out of all the "maybe tomorrow's" and the "eh not now's" and started saying "What happens if you got hit by a bus tomorrow? Then what would you say? Then what would you get off your ass to go do?". Honest to goodness I've probably said that more times than I've been to Chipotle in the past few years. And you all know that's quite a lot of times.
In college it was usually used to help entice my suite mates to go out on a Tuesday for trivia night, but hey, that's besides the point.
These days it's more along the lines of accomplishing my ambitions and pushing those I love to do the same. Two of my best friends currently hate their jobs and constantly talk about wanting to leave and do something they actually enjoy. And all I say, time and time again is "So do it, go for it, what are you waiting for… you could get hit by a bus tomorrow."
So how exactly, if I have this mentality, could I still find myself sitting around crossing off days trying to get to the next "more exciting" one faster? I honestly don't know the answer to that question. But I sat down and said to myself "Self, you better cut it the hell out because what happens if that bus comes and smacks you upside the head before that more 'exciting day' ever arrives and you find yourself having your 'ending' in the midst of all these days you're currently trying to blow through. What happens then?!"
Well what happens then is you wake the fuck up. And you tweet something along the lines of: Find happiness in the place where you can live your days EXCITED for what's coming instead of wishing your days away NEEDING what's coming.
While we can't honestly, truly, 100% ever go through this journey living each day to the tune of the Tim McGraw "Live Like You Were Dying" song, we still can carry out our days knowing that we're happy in the fact that we're heading towards the next exciting part of our life story. Because that's a hell of a lot better than sitting around wishing that whatever miserable chapter we're currently living in would just be over already.
And I don't think enough of us do that. I sure as didn't use to and I still don't all the time.
But I continuously get these overly intense waves of emotion that come over me reminding me that this is my only shot here. I don't get a redo button. I don't have the option to look back one day on my death bed wishing I had done more and actually then get the chance to go do it. This is it.
So if your job sucks, quit it. If your self esteem sucks, fix it. If your weight is hugging the obesity line, lose it. If your boyfriend is shit, dump him. If you want to take a trip,
take it come on Blogcation. If you want to get married after two weeks of knowing someone, say I do. There will always be the "well it's just not that easy" and the "there's so much more to it than that" and the "I have this, this, and that excuse". But that's exactly when you dumb life down to the most simplest possible definition: there's the beginning and there's the end and the only thing you have control over is what you do with the middle.
You only get one of those middles, though. One life, I tell ya, one. So make the changes and go live it like a bus could hit you tomorrow.