If you could go back in time and change any of the choices you've made along the way, would you?
Generally the answer to that question is met with a resounding "no", because who honestly likes to admit that they've had any regrets in life? Certainly not my stubborn brain. It's more the norm to say something along the lines of "I've definitely made mistakes, but I still wouldn't trade those mistakes for the world because they got me to where I am today." Blah blah blah is basically all I hear. Because if I had the chance to rewrite some of my past choices, It'd be pretty damn hard to turn it down.
Every lunch and recess of Middle School when I was "Vice President" of our group of friends who all delegated ourselves titles and kicked people out of our group? I'd probably deem ourselves mean girls and nix the whole thing today. Except for whoever had the title of "Polly-O String Cheese Joke Reader" at the lunch table, because that's just plain funny and they should keep that role forever. And how about all those times in High School when my Nana was sick and I could've gone to see her but didn't? Yeah I sure wish I paid more attention back then because now I no longer have that choice. Oh and then there was the time I ended things with that one amazing guy to go back to my deuche canoe of an ex-boyfriend (again). You can bet all the bottom dollars in every back pocket in the world that I'd decide against that the second time around. And we can't forget the worst mistake of my life that was made after a huge lapse in judgement. If I could wave a magical fairy wand to erase that one I would have done it years ago.
We all have things from our past that we would absolutely love to re-write. No one is perfect. Not even you in your fairy princess outfit, Ellen.
Sorry girl, life's just tough sometimes.
But despite all those other instances up there of things I'd want to change, there's an even bigger one that I've been dwelling on quite heavily recently. And that's college. More specifically, my major.
I went to a State University of New York, basically in the middle of Bumblefuck, USA. I took a lot of AP and college courses in High School, so when all was said and done, I went into college as a sophomore. I also chose Fashion Merchandising as my major. Why exactly, I'm not entirely sure. I just wanted something that was semi-creative yet still somewhat practical for the real world. Two and a half years later, I was finished with all my classes and headed to New York City at the prime age of 20. Which put me at about 14 in the looks department and I was continuously asked why I was skipping school anytime I stood in line for lunch with all the other briefcases in Manhattan.
I started out at Donna Karan as an intern and eventually got a full time job once the program was over. But I hated it. My salary hovered along the poverty line, it wasn't as creative as I dreamt it would be, the industry was very stuck up and snobby, the hours were insane - and for what? For t-shirts? I was the Andy Sachs sitting there looking at two almost identical blue belts as just that, blue, wishing all the time that I could snap out of it and have the mentality of Miranda Priestly and her cerulean spiel.
And I so totally did. But I found out pretty quickly that spending my tiny ass paycheck on half of a stiletto and chomping on three morsels of lettuce every day at lunch wasn't me, thus ending my fashion career before it ever really began.
So fast forward to present day when I still have thousands of dollars of loans to pay back and a degree that I will (most likely) never use again and you'll have me... the girl who thinks our educational system is entirely screwed up (let's not even get into this or we'll be here all day) and wishes she could go back in time and change her major. Because I'm not a 17 year old High School graduate sick of learning who chooses to throw her career path wherever the wind takes it. I'm now a 24 year old realizing that there are plenty of other things I would have absolutely loved to go to school for.
Graphic design, pediatric nursing, interior design, early childhood education, occupational therapy, etc.
Maybe this is just me wanting what I can't have for the seventeen bajillionth time. Or maybe I just actually made a mistake on this one and wish I could go back in time to redo it. Either way, it's been haunting me lately and we all know what I do when that happens... I blog about it in hopes that someone else out there feels the same way and will tell me that I'm not absolutely insane.