Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

Two of my favorite bloggers, Kym and Erin, both posted their own versions of this headline a while back. And at first I was a bit stunned that anyone would do something so crazy, so publicly. I mean, I honestly have no idea who types my URL into their browser every day to get a dose of the randomness that is my life. It continues to make me squirm in my skinny jeans any time someone I know in real life tells me they read my blog. So why on earth would I go out of my way to dish my personal dilemmas out to any of those people, let alone to all of the readers that are complete strangers? I wouldn't. That was my conclusion back when they both posted theirs.

But the one thing both Erin and Kym (and anyone else who followed suit) had in common after they posted was a sense of relief. A sense of "holy shit I can't believe I just did that but boy was it worth it". Because letting go of all your inhibitions and getting the inner demons out is obviously scarier than all hell but apparently it can also be just as freeing. Or at least I hope so, because I'm buckling up my seat belt and driving straight into all things serious.

Welcome to the inner workings of my mind…

I have an irrational fear of failure. So much so that I usually don't tell a single soul about any new ideas, projects, or ventures of mine until they actually become successful. That way no one would ever know should I happen to fail.

>> I despise the dimple in my chin and the dimples on the back of my thighs even more.

>> I've felt a little fluffy around here in Blogland lately. Like I'm just kind of talking to talk without any real purpose or reasoning behind much of it. And that's bad. Real bad. Because the moment any blogger I follow starts doing that is the same moment I stop reading. But I don't want you to stop reading. I want you to stay forever and ever and I'm scared I haven't been interesting enough to keep you wanting to stick around lately.

>> Addiction runs in my family and it scares the shit out of me. I feel like it has subconsciously been a big part of the reason why I've never done a single drug in my life. Besides alcohol, of course. Come on now.

>>  Sometimes I get embarrassed that I'm from my tiny little hickville of a hometown just because of how ignorant some of the people there are. Some of the things I see on Facebook make my blood boil so much and confuse the ever living daylights out of me to think that I ever grew up in the same place. I look down on those people and wonder why they never got out and experienced the world in a big booming city like me.

>> I have a really hard time letting go of memories and leaving the past in the past.

>> I wholeheartedly believe in marriage but I have a really hard time imagining spending the rest of my entire life with one single person. That is a CRAP ton of years to be with someone when there are so many others on this planet. I get bored easily and I run to the next exciting chase. But guess who can't do that with a husband and a rock on her finger?

>> Yet I am also a full-fledged romantic despite how many times I've tried to tell myself that I'm not. If you're one of the very few that don't bore me, I fall harder and faster than I ever should. I picture a life with you and plan a future in my head, a man cave for you, a craft room for me, your last name becoming mine, doing homework with our kids, anniversaries and arguments, trips to Disney World and four stockings on the mantle in December. I'm somewhat of a crazy lunatic when it comes to love and I have no qualms about picturing it going just like the movies.

>> I have absolutely no desire to stay up to date with current events, politics, world news, etc. It's seriously so horrible and I wish there was a switch I could flip to make me start caring.

>> People that eat organic everything and no processed anything make me nuts. A bag of gummy worms isn't going to cause the earth to shatter beneath your feet. Plus, how am I supposed to steal any food when I'm in your house?

>> I sometimes feel as though religious people have somewhat of an "easy way out" when it comes to the tougher decisions in life. Some people believe that God controls their destiny, so they can kind of leave their path up to him because he ultimately holds their life plan in his hands and will lead them towards whatever's "meant to be". I don't believe in God or destiny or any of that, so I don't really have that sense of overwhelming calmness knowing everything's going to end up exactly how it should.

>> I wish I could be more outgoing and social. Like, I really really really wish I could be more outgoing and social. But I've finally come to the realization that this just isn't in the cards for me. Shy, awkward, introvert it is.

>> Sometimes I dread people asking what I do for a living just because I feel embarrassed that I'm a nanny at times. So many people look at it as if it's not a "real job" and say things like "wait, so you want to do that forever?"or "but you were so smart in school why aren't you using any of that" and it all becomes insanely disheartening.

And there we have it. Try not to judge me too hard, okay? And maybe try it out for yourself sometime; it really gets your brain going.