Q&A Session: Two Thirds Hazel Style

This is not a ghost taking over Erin's blog today while she's away on her cruise vacation. This is actually just Erin writing a post ahead of time and scheduling it. Holy shit, sound the alarms. I can't believe it either. I'm usually a fly by the seat of my pants type of person when it comes to this blog. Which is great because I'm the exact opposite of that in every other aspect of life. 

So here we are. Well here you are…because where I am right now is off tanning my cheeks in the turquoise waters of the Bahamas.

But I figured you all might miss me a little too much so here I am giving you something to sink your teeth into while I sink mine into a freshly made frozen margarita and perfectly prepared five course meal. Except for now you probably just want to stab me with the little pink umbrella that's floating in this glass instead of say you actually miss me. Whoops.

Anyway, today's the day I finally answer all those questions I asked you to send me one day when I had nothing to post. That day was September 16th of last year. I'm a mess, it's fine. But here we are anyway. Caution, there are a lot of questions so brace yourselves. Or just spread this post out for the rest of the week so you have something to read while I'm MIA. Even though you really won't have to do that because I have some of my favorite people hopping on board to quest post for me. #blessed

To the questions we go:

What is your most embarrassing moment that you're willing to share?
One time at band camp in gym class when I was in elementary school, I was so afraid of the P.E. teacher that I wouldn't ask him if I could leave to go to the bathroom. So I just ended up peeing right there on the gym floor while I was sitting in my squad line. I then got up and walked right on out of there anyway. I had peeing problems back in the day. Funny how so much has changed right?

Would you suggest people move to NYC?
I mean, duh, why would I live somewhere if I didn't think people should move here? Cough Taylor. It's the greatest city in the whole wide world. That is if you like freezing your tits off in the winter and smelling a boiling concoction of dog piss and garbage in the hell of summer.

How do you compare living in New York to how it is portrayed on Sex and the City?  
Are you asking me about my sex life?

What is your favorite part about blogging? 
Being able to throw all of my crazy thoughts into these pages every damn day thinking I must be the only one that feels a certain way and then having fifty other women from all over the country, er world, tell me that it's as if I took the thoughts straight from their brains and put them to paper, er, computer screen. It's truly mind boggling. In the best way possible.

What has been the scariest thing that has happened to you while moving to the city? 
I was on a subway once where I dude kept bumping his junk into my trunk. It was a really packed subway car so I was sort of like "eh whatever" but then as soon as the train stopped he reached up and grabbed my crotch with his hand. Like a full on handful. Then I proceeded to scream and smash my fist into the back of his head while trying to run after him through the crowded subway station. No luck. So those announcement you hear in the train cars about not inappropriately touching people just because it's crowded? Yeah they're there for a reason.

What is your favorite movie?
Monsters Inc, The Departed, Finding Nemo, The Dark Knight (all of them), The Little Rascals, Inception, The Devil Wears Prada, I could go on for days here folks.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? 
I don't ever want to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Blow Pops all day errday.

Do you ever see yourself moving anywhere outside of New York? Where?
Yup. Unless I become a billionaire and will be able to raise my future children decently here then absolutely. The where part is a little tough for me to answer. But putting all of that aside (and not going with some crazy answer like Bora Bora) I'd probably say somewhere outside of Washington D.C. or San Francisco or Chicago. Or maybe just back to Upstate New York where I'm from. Or maybe one of those southern cities like Charlotte or Charleston? See I really just have no idea. Thus is the beauty of life.

Fall is coming, what do you love about fall? 
See, I wasn't lying when I said these came from way back in September...

How did you decide to start being a nanny? 

I got laid off from a corporate office job that I hated. Realized I didn't want another and decided to go back to my passion of taking care of little nuggets of chunky baby snuggles. Best decision I've ever made.

What kind of puppy are you going to buy first? 
I keep saying a bulldog. But when I picture my Christmas card I see a lab like I've been used to my entire life. Or maybe a golden retriever because they're just so darn beautiful. Or maybe a mini goldendoodle since I'm an apartment dweller? WHY DO I NOT HAVE ANY ANSWERS TO LIFE'S GREATEST QUESTIONS?!

If you could have one thing right now, no matter what the price is, what would it be? 
This is a secret that I cannot tell you. But it's absolutely not an object with a price tag on it. I'll let you know if I ever end up with it.

Why haven't you and Whitney just moved to the same city yet to make all of your readers happy?
Best question of the entire day right here ladies and gentlemen. Care to discuss Whit?

What would your last meal be? 
Should I continue on in my trend of providing six different answers when I'm only supposed to be picking one or should I just boycott this question altogether? Chiptole, Dorito tacos from Taco Bell, an entire bag of gummy worms, Shepherd's Pie, massaman curry, pineapple fried rice, or maybe just a Thanksgiving plate filled with turkey, 'tatoes and corn only. God dammit thank god I'm on a cruise boat right now.

What did you want to be when you were little? Are you that now?
I wanted to be a mommy. I'm not a mommy but I'm a nanny and that's the next best thing. 

What is your go to drink? Alcoholic of course!

What inspires you to write everyday?
I once blogged about having a Sesame Street bandaid on my nipple. So I'm going to go with just about anything. 

Where are the places you have visited/ places you want to visit someday?
Oh boy. Visited: All the states on the east coast, all over the Caribbean, Hawaii, London, many northern cities of Italy, Toronto. I want to visit: Australia, Denmark, California, and the entire rest of the world.

What's your best holiday memory?
One Christmas when my brother and I were very little, my dad somehow managed to get these cardboard cutouts of Disney figurines. They were taller than I was at the time and he set them up all over the room where our tree was. We also had seventeen bajillion presents that year and the site walking into the room that Christmas morning was one I'll never forget. It was like Charlie walking into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. 

Oh and the worst holiday memory was when my dad stole all of the purple Sweet Tarts (his favorite kind) from all of our Easter eggs. This then caused me to realize the Easter Bunny and in due time, Santa, both were not real.

If a news article was written on your life, what would the headline be?
Whoever asked this one should know that you should do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. You obviously know how hard it is to answer this, so don't make me do it too.

And that concludes the longest Q&A session ever. Thank you, come again.