Hard Drugs For Halloween

One day my kids will look back at pictures of me dressed up for Halloween and they will say "What are you mommy?" and I will have to reply by saying "Oh just a bag of blue meth honey, don't worry about it."

Because that's exactly what I went as last night. If you haven't seen Breaking Bad then what the fuck are you doing with your life you won't really understand my costume. But seeing as how the majority of the population either watched it throughout its five year span or scarfed down every single episode in a matter of two weeks right before the finale like I did, I think most of you should get it.

The idea came to me right after the series ended because, well, I honestly didn't want it to end. This is also the first Halloween I've ever had a boyfriend so it only made sense to do a couple theme and have him be Heisenberg so I could be his sidekick of a drug. Although I did originally want him to dress up in a bunch of North Face apparel and ski stuff while I dressed up in a bunch of cowgirl stuff so he could be "North" and I could be "West" which would make us the Kimye baby as a whole. Call me crazy but I still think it would've been a good idea. Walter White didn't agree with me, though. So Breaking Bad won. And I'm not complaining.

The only slight problem was that I had no idea how to become meth let alone blue meth. I had originally planned on renting an RV and cooking some up myself so that I could then hot glue all of the shattered sugar pieces to a dress. But then I figured it would either A) Melt, B) Cut someone at a bar, or C) Get eaten by random dogs on the streets. So then I stumbled upon loofahs that were the most perfect shade of Blue Sky Breaking Bad meth that I had ever seen while walking through Target. Eight of them made their way into my cart. Along with eleventh thousand other things I did not need.

Two hours of cutting them to pieces, hot gluing the shreds to an H&M t-shirt dress (that I cut into a strapless), burning several finger tips off, picking up seventeen million stray pieces of blue loofah, and configuring a double XL ziplock bag to fit my frame and BOOM, I had turned myself into a bag of meth.

Now just picture me walking onto a subway in the thing (crinkling and shedding all the way) as well as sitting down for dinner at a Mexican restaurant and you'll have a pretty good idea of my night. I'm still not exactly sure how I managed to sit. Or pee. But apparently I handled it pretty well seeing as I somehow still have a hangover even though I never even went to a bar. It's those damn frozen margs, they get me every time I tell ya.

I apologize for the terrible quality, blurriness and poor setting of these photos. I guess it adds to the druggy theme? 

Oh and I absolutely cannot wait for him to shave that pedophile Heisenberg beard off. The kid looks like he's about to snatch me off the street and stuff me into a creepy white van. But a Walter White's gotta do what a Walter White's gotta do right? At least that's what the puppy version told me last night...