Ten Quirky Qualities

Last night was a good night. For my closet that is, not my wallet. That's because I walked into Forever 21 and didn't peruse the place for two hours wondering why anyone would buy neon leather leggings with two holes cut out of the side of the knees. Because that's honestly been the routine for me and that store for quite some time now. I really thought I was growing up.

Until last night happened and I walked in and found five things I was obsessing over within the first ten minutes. I. Was. Shocked. There are five floors (yes FIVE floors) (thank you NYC) in this particular Forever and I only managed to get halfway through the first one before I had to stop myself. So I'm thinking we may or may not might have to do another mirrored window selfie-shoot of the new apparel this weekend (this is me giving you fair warning not to show up to class on Monday). But since that's really cock-teasy of me for talking about clothes and not showing you any, here are two of the things that I wanted to purchase desperately but eventually ended up putting down on my way up to the checkout. I was sad about it. And I'm still sad about it.

Black, White and Beautiful Bag  // The Most Gorg Booties Ever

But let's get back to the syllabus and stay on track. And what does the majority of the Two Thirds Hazel syllabus look like? That's right, Erin talking about herself. This is just getting ridiculously redundant. Why on earth do you people even show up to class anymore? You might want to pull a Stephanie and bring beer disguised as apple juice with you next time. That is as long as you bring an extra one (or five) for me. I promise to give you an A if you bring Blue Moons.

Today you will be given the task of learning some "Erin quirks". I'm pretty sure you could come up with quite a few of your own without my help but then I wouldn't have anything to post about today so here we are...

1// I can't remember lines to movies for the life of me. All of you people that whip out clutch comeback lines from movies? Yeah, you're the reason jealousy exists in my body. I wish I could quote awesomely hilarious movies like Pitch Perfect at the drop of a hat but all I've got to shell out is "He touched the butt" and "Shark bait hoo ha ha". Le sigh, we can't win them all I guess. Especially when your go-to movies are that of a six year olds.

2// I have four less teeth than the average human being. I have 24, you (most likely) have 28. I will pause for a second while you count them. Scratch that no I won't. But yeah, my mouth is really small (sorry about that boyfriend). So small that I had to have ten teeth pulled in order to make enough room for everything to fit in there before getting braces.

3// I don't like or drink coffee. And I never want to start liking or drinking it for that matter either. Everyone's always like "Do you know what you're missing out on?" and I'm always like "Not the hundred burrito bowls I bought with the money I've saved from not spending $4 every morning on a cup of Starbucks, that's for sure." This is why I just buy hot chocolate. Swiss Miss "marshmallow madness" hot chocolate to be exact.  

I drink unicorn poop for breakfast, what do you drink?
4// I prefer my iPhone to not have a case on it. Another one that boggles the minds of many. It just simply feels better in my hands when it's naked. Heyyyooo that's what she said. But after the eleventy thousandth time shattering my screen to smithereens the boyfriend went ahead and bought a case for me. And now I suck it up and wrap it before I tap it.

5//  I don't know if I like a song until I've heard it a couple times. It's like there's a malfunctioning piece of my brain that can't formulate an opinion on melodies until it's been around the block a time or two. So if you send me a song and ask me if I like it immediately after I listen to it you'll just get a blank stare and an "uhh iohknow?"

6// I've never dyed my hair. Not once in the history of forever. Not even a highlight or a run in with the Sun-In. And I'm honestly SO glad I got through my teenage years without succumbing to the dye because that is for sure something I never want to have to keep up with. Although I do sometimes wonder what it'd be like to head to the salon one day and leave as a blonde. YOLO?

7// I only put one topping on my FroYo. I just can't handle all that junk mashed together and mixed around in one bowl. A don't want to be chewing away and go "Yum a mini peanut butter cup, oh wait now a chewy gummy bear, nope this is definitely a mushy strawberry." That shit just doesn't fly with me. I follow the KISS rule whenever I eat Pinkberry. Keep It Simple Stupid.

8// I can't make big life changes until it's a Monday. For instance, I had plans of starting my booty poppin' Tone It Up Girl workout that the loveliest gangster I know, Miss Erica, sent me a couple days ago. Except that yesterday was a Wednesday and I couldn't quite wrap my head around starting a new routine smack dab in the middle of the week. A day is a day is a day. Until you get inside my brain. But come Monday, you can bet your bottom dollar my ass will be doing fire hydrant lifts and air humps.

9// I don't like starting sentences with capital letters when writing in parentheses. This one makes no logical sense either since I really like my grammar to be grammatically correct you know? It's just a thing. It looks more symmetrical in my head to (have it like this) (As opposed to this). You see? The second one is higher on the left side and I can't have that. I'm insane... But less insane than that one time when I wrote in ALL capital letters for an entire year in middle school. My 7th grade English teacher  really loved me.

10// I rarely ever use cash for anything at all. Even if I'm buying one pack of gum at the drug store - it goes on the card. I find that if I don't have cash in my wallet then I spend less cash on frivolous items. Like Swiss Miss marshmallow madness hot chocolate. Or things with Minions on them. Or tiny little baby mini pumpkins. Except for all these things are absolutely necessary to have in my life so I'm just going to shut up now.

P.S. See my left eye (right in the picture)? A third of it is dark brown, the other two thirds is...you guessed it...HAZEL. So if you're new around here, or just really slow on the name game - you now know why my blog is called what it is. You're welcome for the insight. Have a fabulous Thirsty Thursday everyone!