Word Vomit Central

My mind is an utter mess today. I'm not sure if it was the sappy love fest of Bachelorette last night, the bottle of Relax Riesling that is now sitting empty on my kitchen counter, or the dreams that I would have rather not had last night, but goodness me I'm in one of those weird moods that I just can't seem to shake. Whenever I wake up on the wrong side of the bed I usually just take a stroll over to the park on the Hudson River with my little guy and I'm all fixed...

But not today. Because even with the awesome scenery it provides, I'm still sitting here wondering what in the hell I should blog about because the funk hasn't decided to quit setting up shop yet. So welcome to another one of those blog posts where I have no idea where this is going to go but we're just going to hop on the hot mess express anyway and take a trip wherever my fingers decide to lead. 


Okay maybe they aren't really into leading me anywhere right now so how 'bout we just let the trusty bullet points do that for us. Seriously, everything should be written in bullet points. I'm a huge fan. Except Blogger blows at making that feature easy to operate so we'll just go with numbers.

I'd really, really, REALLY like it if I could stop missing certain people that I don't want to be missing. It's as simple and as hard as that.

The Bachelorette Finale was last night. Although if you needed me to inform you of that then you either A) are living under a very large and heavy rock, B) don't have a Twitter, or C) actually have a life. But if you'd like a hefty recap then go check out my Twitterfeed because I did everything short of write a novel about everything that went down. If you don't tweet about watching The Bachelor then did you even watch The Bachelor? That is the question. CAUTION: This is a spoiler alert. I will be spilling top secret Bachelorette happenings right after this picture. You've been warned.

I was pretty ecstatic that Brooks didn't come back because I never liked him. Long hair I DO care (when you're a dude). Super huge turn off. I didn't feel bad that she sent Drew home because now I have a chance with him even though he'd be more interested in my guy friends than me. I basically cried when Chris and Des got engaged because drinking wine makes me emotional. I just about peed my pants when Chris Harrison announced Juan Pablo as the next Bachelor, although I think it's pointless to have a season since he should just marry Emily Maynard already and let their daughters become best friends and be one big beautiful family. And I'm also still waiting for Megalodon to pop out of the ocean and eat the entire party for dinner.

The only thing I don't like about the entire thing is that Des is getting so much hell for getting dumped one week and then engaged the next. And yes I do realize that sounds entirely, ridiculously insane. BUT, I don't disagree with the fact that things like that do happen. Maybe not the engagement part but at least the "get dumped by one dude and go back to another dude" part. She said she had to go through the heartbreak of Brooks to realize all the love she had for Chris. And I believe her because it's happened to me. I left a great guy to go back to my idiot first boyfriend, got my heart smashed by him (because he's my idiot first boyfriend duh) and quickly realized I was certifiably moronic for ever leaving the other great guy to begin with. Shit like that wakes you up better than Cuban coffee. I wouldn't know since I don't like coffee but Khloe Kardashian told me so. Personally. On her scooter.

So all I'm saying is let the chick live a little. Because while not all of us have gotten engaged within a week's time after waking up, I'm sure something similar has happened to more people that just me.  You gotta go through the bad to see the good sometimes. She's just lucky Chris is confident enough in himself to believe she's gotten over the bad instead of feeding her to Megalodon.

And then I wrote an entire post about The Bachelorette without meaning to...

I made some damn good tacos last night and I really want to eat them again right this very minute. I used ground turkey instead of beef and my new favorite Greek yogurt instead of sour cream trick. Let me tell you they were bomb dot edu. Because Chrissy Teigen told me that "edu" sounds more serious than "com" and it makes sense to me.

It really bugs me to no end when people push elevator buttons after I've already pushed them. For instance, when I'm waiting in the lobby and press the UP button to make the elevator come get my ass and then someone else walks into the lobby and presses the UP button to make the elevator come get his ass. I'm not sure why this bugs me so much, but it does. I'm not sure why I needed to get that off my chest, but I did. It's just so mind boggling to me.

Today is the anniversary of a tough day for me, my friends, my family friends, and my entire hometown community. It's the day that one my friends passed away in a tragic car accident. It's the day my entire grade cried on the steps of the High School together sobbing and writing memories in chalk on the sidewalks to honor our friend. It's the day that I first experienced the death of someone close to me. The day I started to truly live by the phrase "Life is short, go live it". It's a rough one but it's also one that brings us all together to remember him by the good times and to continue to live life to the fullest every day. RIP PMZ, we'll be missing you.

My one piece of advice for anyone trying to get their butt to the gym = download HBO Go, steal your friend's HBO Go password (thanks Meg!), set up shop on the elliptical, watch all episodes of The Newsroom. Okay that was more than one piece of advice but it works like a charm. I hit play on my iPhone and BAM, fifty minutes later I've burned enough calories to allow myself to eat an extra one (or five) of those tacos up there.
The only problem is you get so wrapped up in the show that you forget to check out the really hott guy that has the same gym schedule as you. You also forget that you really need to get on your game and  go purchase real work out clothes so you can not look like a twelve year old in Soffe shorts from your high school cheerleading days. Which is why I need your help in telling me where I can buy some cute gear that costs about 1/4 as much as Lululemon does. Any suggestions?

And with that geniousness of an eCard, I'm out of here to go buy myself some of those Eddy's strawberry popsicles to hopefully cure this weird mood I've got going on. Because if one of those can't cure it then nothing will. Peace out blog scouts.

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