Whore-A-Scopes

Otherwise known as horoscopes. Or the things on that one page of the Cosmo magazine that I'd flip over every single time without a care in the world because I thought they were a bunch of kung fooey. 


I've always said that if I went in and switched up all the signs with their correlating scopes everyone would still say something like "Wow that is like SO my life right now. Oh my god Becky look at her butt it said I'd experience something new this month and, umm, I just signed up for speed dating so now I know I'm on the right life path." What? Girl no. Anyone could relate their life to anything. That's the point of them. It's all crap.

But I have started coming around to one aspect of astrology thanks to Miss Whitney who is obsessed with this shit. Lately I've come to realize that the personality traits of the actual signs are pretty spot on. Okay, maybe it's just that the personality traits of my sign are pretty spot on. I don't really go around reading the traits of my best friends' horoscopes seeing if they match up. Although I have done it with a few dudes, so watch yourself because I might just know more about you then you know about yourself.

I'm such a creep. Really. Anyway, I'm a Cancer. Therefor I'm a crab. 


And if you were born sometime between June 21st and July 21st then you're one too. I never really knew anything about what "Cancers are supposed to be like" other than the fact that we're supposedly sensitive. Which I've always thought to be something I'm not so I completely disregarded anything else to do with all this mumble jumble. But then I started reading crap on google and started realizing that it's all pretty spot on. 

And then I felt like I was in Professor Trelawney's Divination class.


Except I'm not writing a letter to be sent off by Hedwig in a Hogwarts classroom, I'm writing a blog post on my Macbook Air while sitting on a couch on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

And I digress...

Back to that whole Cancer crab thing. I am one in all sense of the word. I have a hard outer shell that's extremely tough to crack. I prefer to stay inside of it most of the time protecting myself from the outside world without letting too many people see the "real me". Once I feel comfortable enough with you and/or my surroundings I'm more than happy to crawl out and be open. I used to say that I was a Sour Patch Kid. Sour on the outside, but sweet on the inside. Crustaceans, candy. It's all the same thing.

Here are some other Cancer traits:

Nurturing: Cancer is known to be the motherly sign of all the zodiacs. Bingo, where's my money at? This is dead on. When asked what I want to be when I grow up, I reply "a mom". When asked what I do for work, I reply "a nanny". I think we've covered that one.


Clingy: Oh this one. I'm only the farthest thing from this because I work my ass off to combat it. I know I could be a Stage 5 in a heartbeat. But that's exactly why I'm cognizant of it. It's like when people know they could be addicted to something so they steer clear of it.

Romantic: I've never really thought of myself as one to love romance but the tides have slowly been changing. I used to think it was puke-tastic. Then I started making home-made Valentine's gifts and leaving love notes on mirrors. Now I'm puke-tastic.




Homely: Ain't that the truth. I'm much more of a chill on my couch snuggling all weekend than go on an adventure type of girl. I'm slowly working on this one because it's not a good thing in mass quantities.

Creative: I wasn't called the "Craft Queen" growing up for nothing. And now I'm just designing blogs and decorating my apartment on the daily. Check mark for this trait.


Protective and family oriented: I once cried in the cafeteria during lunch in Elementary school because my lil broski got detention and had to sit at the bad kids table. I also cried when I realized his name "Chris" could rhyme with "Piss" and kids could call him "Chrissy Pissy". No one ever called him that. I just cried because they had the potential to call him that.

Moody: This one's because my element is water. Or something. And the ocean has tides that go back and forth. While I don't really think of myself as moody, I do consider myself to go back and forth quite frequently about everything from my choice in cereals to my choice in men. I'm as fickle as a pickle.

Anddd I think that's enough for one day. I guess the moral of this story is that I may just in fact believe some of this astrology bullshit. But you won't find me getting a tattoo of my star sign on my bod like Whit did. That's because I'm not about to get a sex position inked into my skin...


And on that note, I'm out of here. Do you think astrology is a crock of crap or do you actually believe it? 

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