ONE: I'm a Genius Too
Last week I smashed my iPhone screen (again, I know) (yes I am getting a case this time) (maybe). There's really nothing worse that could happen to you in life. Broken bones, bankruptcy, being robbed, a bird shitting on your head. Nope, watching your iPhone fall to the ground only to pick it up and see the spider web of death effect take place on your beloved screen is still worse. Way worse. Like Buddy the Elf screaming "Nooooooo" worse.
But I was a smart cookie and purchased Apple Care after the last time I cut my fingers on broken glass so it's okay. I was covered. So I walked my butt into the Apple store yesterday evening and told them I needed a new phone to replace my sad little cracked one. This was my encounter:
Genius bar dude: We only replace the screen if it's cracked. We don't give out brand new phones for this issue. It will take at least an hour to fix. If for some reason there are still problems after we replace the screen then we would give you a new phone.
Me: Wait, wait, wait. So if I came in and my phone was completely broken beyond just the cracked screen you'd have to give me a brand new one?
Me: So I can walk into your bathroom right now and drop my phone in the toilet so that it breaks completely and then you'll have to give me a brand new one?
Me: Are you really going to make me go do that? Because I will. You'll just have to knowingly touch toilet water. And I do have to pee right now.
Dude: Proceeds to laugh at me and hands me a brand new phone.
Moral of the story: Genius bar dudes aren't the only geniuses in the Apple store.
Moral of the story part two: Don't attempt to put your iPhone on the ledge of a building to snap a self-timed selfie. You will look like an idiot doing so. You will look like even more of an idiot when your phone falls to its death and you end up with a smashed screen from doing so.
TWO: National Dog Day
How could I have not known that it was National Dog Day yesterday?! I'm more embarrassed and ashamed than Billy Ray Cyrus right now. I obviously don't have a dog in my own possession to be celebrating but we all know I'm more obsessed with the pooches than dee oh double gee himself so I don't feel quite right skipping over this holiday. Skipping over blogging altogether though? Perfectly fine with that. I accomplished that with ease yesterday.
Anyway, dog day. Dogs. I like them. I like them on the streets. I like them on my phone. I like them in my bed. I like them licking my face. And I'll stop there before this gets any more awkward. Let's just get to the cute puppy pictures of the three dogs who have my life in their paws.
First up we have the one my family got when I was a senior in high school. Leah like Princess Leia aka Leah Luna Licky. Because all the chick does is lick. So much so that we have now determined that she needs a gluten-free diet in hopes that all her sloppy paw tongue-ing is due to allergies. But despite all that craziness she's one smart cookie. Little lady can balance quite a few bones on top of her head / hold four stuck halfway in her mouth and sit there staring at you until you say her name to release her. Then she gets spoiled rotten at Christmas and receives a bigger loot in her stocking than I do. It's deserved. I guess.
Then we have my brother's dog Dutch. Aka Dutch Master Fresh. Because lord knows he is the coolest dog on the planet. He's basically the four-legged version of my brother. Chill as all hell yet slightly stupid. I kid, I kid. My lil broski is smart. Except he also named his dog dutch...so there's that.
Last but not least, we have the newest member of the Gray clan. Miss Aria herself. She doesn't have an aka yet other than being the cutest little lady on the blog block. But you already knew this since I flooded your feed with "LOOK AT MY BRAND NEW PUPPY BECAUSE I'M ANNOYING AND YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY NEVER SEEN A PUPPY BEFORE" pictures last month. But I get to see her this weekend and I'm already scared to see how big she's gotten.
Today I have a blogger that I've actually met on the blog here for you to meet! Her name is Setarra and she's pretty much the definition of chill. She recently just moved from the Bronx down to Washington D.C. but while she was living here she definitely accomplished an insane amount of awesome things. I'm hesitant even introducing her to you because she makes me look like a recluse who does absolutely nothing cool in this city. Yesterday she posted about all the adventures she went on while she lived here. It was awesome to say the least. You should probably check that post out right after you get to meet her here:
1. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Chocolate. And if I could be picky, it would be dark chocolate. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a self-proclaimed chocolate whore. I love chocolate that much. I even asked Cha-Cha if you could live off chocolate ... Her answer: "Chocolate's antioxidant flavoids prevent cell damage and inflammation and promote increased blood flow, less platelet stickiness, and improve bad cholesterol. In other words, chocolate does good things for your heart, brain, and skin ~ but you still need proteins in your diet to stay healthy. ChaCha!" See ... It's totally possible! Who needs protein?
2. Describe yourself in ten words.
I'm mixed, love exploring different places and dancing allde time! "allde" counts as one word right?
3. If I handed you eleventy million dollars what would you do with it?
Well first off, I would immediately pay off my college loans. I cringe just thinking about the stupid amount of debt I owe because of school. Then I would buy my parents and grandparents each a home of their dreams, purchase a couple rowhouses in Manhattan and rent out individual rooms at a reduced price for struggling artists, donate a whole bunch of money to the National Endowment for the Arts and then produce a series for the Travel Channel where I travel allll over exposing and learning the cultural dances of the world. If you couldn't tell, I'm a huge advocate for the arts haha. Annnd ... lastly, I would probably start my own chocolate boutique appropriately named, "Setarra's Sweet Tooth," because I'm all about spreading the chocolate love. (I'm eating a chocolate croissant as I'm typing this answer ...)
4. Go check out more of Setarra over here: Blog // Facebook // Twitter // Instagram