Last night I stumbled upon the greatest website there ever was. All I could see at first were maps of America. Maps shmaps. I just about shut that shit down in less than seven seconds because, let's face it, Siri destroyed the need to ever look at one of those ever again. But then I realized that these were maps about the differences in dialects across the country and I about lost it. There is nothing I love more than getting in arguments about the "correct" way to pronounce words.
I had never experienced anyone saying anything different from the way I did until I moved out of my tiny little sheltered hometown. Then I went to college at a school where every single Long Island princess decided to go too. And that is when the shit hit the metaphorical fan. They said everything different than I did.
Like drawer: Some of them said "draw". Umm no, that is what we do in coloring books. Unless you're Carrie Bradshaw and then you're doing something completely different.
Half moon cookies: They called them black and whites. Lame because it really does look like a half moon.
Kiddy corner (like when something is diagonal from you): They would say caddy corner.
Even my own damn name: Erin is the same as Aaron in my world, but holy hell, not to them. I pronounce it Air-in. I do not pronounce it Eh-rin. They do the same thing with all 'er' words. I say America like A-mair-ica. They say A-meh-rica. So frustrating.
So I was all about it when I came across this website with all of these maps demonstrating who speaks what where. They color code the entire country showing which regions speak the word or saying which way. Whoever spent the time researching all of this and creating these things needs a gold star because it's pretty awesome. Let's take a look shall we.
First up is "Y'all": Half of the blog world says this at least once in every single one of their posts. I wish I was one of that half. But I'm not, so I'll just throw it around randomly when I want to pretend I'm Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. I don't see any harm in that. Until my non-existent boyfriend gets pulled over that is.
Next up we have "Crayon": If you say "cray-on" I might actually barf on you. I thought this pronunciation was reserved for the stuck-up librarian nerd types but it looks like half the damn country says it this way. Yikes. I basically just say cran with a tinge of a 'y' sound thrown in the middle somewhere. But just a tinge of 'y'.
And then there's "Lawyer": Which I thought everyone pronounced like the red portion of America until I heard Leah from Teen Mom 2 speak about needing one for her divorce and I was all like "waaahhhhhaaaattttt?" Law-yer? Oh hell to the no, just smash my ear drums in right now and call it a damn day over here.
"Mayonnaise": The word no one should even have to know how to pronounce anyway because this crap is nasty. But then again so are sandwiches in the world of Erin so don't mind me. If I were to ever ask for it though, it'd be "man-aze".
"Soda/Pop/Coke": Soda is what all the fizzies of the world are called. Pop is what popcorn does when you put it in the microwave. Coke is a type of soda that I will only drink if you're a dude that orders it at the bar for me with some Captain in it. Oh and soft drink? What are you 96 years old?
"Drive-through Liquor Store": Excuse me a drive-through whatty what? Why oh why must I live in the red portion of the map on this one. I am utterly confused by this concept, though. This just screams sirens in your rearview mirror.
And my personal favorite..."The City": I don't really believe this one to be true. I think this map is a hardcore liar. But if all of those light red areas consider my home to be "THEE city" then I'll take it. P.S. New York is the best one after all.
And that concludes today's English language lesson with Two Thirds Hazel. I hope you have all enjoyed the ride around the country and didn't hurt your heads too much trying to wrap your brain around the phonetic spellings of all of these words. I can say it was a bit much for mine this morning. Because I'm still swimming around in lulu lala land with all of the excitement from announcing yesterday that I'm starting to design blogs
. Happy thirsty Thursday y'all!
See what I did there?