The Best Trip There Ever Was

There was once a time I went to Florida and visited a girl named Whitney. During that time I realized I had not only found a "blogland besty" but instead a "for life besty". It truly amazes me how someone you haven't known for 23 and 11/12ths of your existence can become such a staple in your everyday life. Someone who fits into your twindom so easily. Someone who says the exact same things your head was thinking at the exact same time. It's freaky and it's awesome and I love it. And her.

But enough of the sap talk, let's get to the vacation part. You know, the real point of this entire post. But I'm warning you now - there are more than forty pictures in this thing. Yes 40. In one post. Because I'm not about all that Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 47 recap posts. Way too much work for this chick. Plus I'm still mourning the loss of not being snuggled up in Whitney's bed with my two furball friends so I can't relive this more than once.

And we begin: The packing.  

I think I wore three of the things in this picture. Nothing beats packing everything you need for a five day trip into a carry on. Florida clothes = little clothes = light packing = no fifty dollar bag check fee = more money in Erin's pocket for the fun things. That is until she almost loses her wallet on the roof of a building her first night in Orlando. Aka Erin almost dies a slow and painful death realizing she can't go into bars all weekend but forgets all about not having the I.D. to get home on the airplane. Welp.

But back to the adventure...

I left on Friday afternoon after work while it was torrential down pouring in Manhattan. The weather was so bad that my umbrella kept turning inside out and dragging me down the street like a small child. I was soaked, my suitcase was soaked, and that only meant one thing - my liver needed to be soaked too. So as soon as I got to JFK I headed straight to the bar for a Moon. Typical Erin fashion. Oh and I banged out a blog design too. Typical blogger fashion. 

Then I boarded the plane which was set to leave at 7:00pm. Then we circled around the airport for mother effin' THREE HOURS before finally taking off. Good thing I brought mini bottles of Captain in my 3oz zip lock baggy instead of toiletries because I definitely needed them after the debacle that was my takeoff. P.S. if you're going to try this move on your own trip: yes it is totally legal to carry them on board but no it is NOT totally legal to drink them on the plane. Something about it being a public place? Garbage. So basically, just don't get caught. (Or don't hand your baggy of empties to the flight attendant like I did)

Two and a half hours later...I ARRIVED AND SAW MY WHITSTICLE!!! And then we cheersed our Miller Lights like we hadn't missed a single beat and got that party started on the roof like the true Hangover style stars that we are. Except for at least it was just the wallet that got left up there and not me. 

Oh and we also took our first "real" picture at the bar that night and it just so happens to be my favorite picture of us ever. It is love. The forever kind. P.S. WE DON'T LOOK LIKE SISTERS!

The next morning it was time to go on a walk with the cutest rats to ever walk the planet. Whitney got mad at me because that was the first thing I said when I saw them. "Whitney they're rats!" NYC Subway rats to be exact. Because, no joke, one weighs three pounds and I'm pretty damn sure the rats I see scurrying around the tracks here weigh twice as much as that. But obviously I loved them to pieces despite their size, because Erin and puppy have basically become synonymous around this joint.

After we got our asses in gear and got acquainted with the Brita we suited up for the beach. Cocoa Beach to be exact. But not before getting in the classiest of breakfasts there ever was. A dog covered in more relish and ketchup than a third world country could need and a Corona Light. Yes I did pick off three quarters of the bun but yay to me for even eating bread at all. I win.

Obviously we didn't have a single ounce of fun while carpooling it with the cooler in the back seat of Whitney's friend's car. Nope, not one single bit. We didn't listen to Kesha or Wagon Wheel or Miley seven times either.

This beach is the culprit of me looking like a lobster my first day. It's absolutely beautiful and the water was complete perfection (hello I come from NY where the waters are frozen until mid-July) but holy canoli my tan lines look like I cam back from the equator instead of a U.S. state. I don't hate it...but my skin did for the majority of my trip. Use the SPF kids, it works.

For some unknown reason I have zero pictures (or recollection) of the shenanigans that went down later on in this beach day. All of my days kind of swim together and I have no idea which thing goes with which day. Having four Fridays in a row will do that to your brain. Especially if that brain is filled with Miller Lights for every single one of them. All I know is that we went to the bar across the street from Whit's apartment. And I only know that because we did that every single night I was there. 

This was one of my favorite days. Shit, they were all my favorite days. Never mind that last sentence. But on this day we got to go boating on a lake. And by boating on a lake I mean parking the boat on the sand bar along with fifty others, hopping our asses off of it (ever so gracefully) and playing and drinking all day. I absolutely felt like I was in a redneck country music video. Like "On the Pontoon" or "Redneck Yacht Club". That was us all day. 

That night was THEE best night of my food adventures on this trip. I told Whitney that I wanted Chinese food. Like to order it or to go to a buffet or something. She basically told me I was the most disgusting human on the planet and proceeded to say that she doesn't ever eat Chinese food. WHAAAT?! Girlfriend, I wake up on Sunday mornings and count down the minutes until 11am when my China places open. But no worries because she and Kelly (her other best friend) came up with the superb idea to take me to Kobe. 

A hibachi place which I had never heard of but now hold near and dear to my heart. Heaven will be renamed Kobe whenever I arrive (or don't arrive) there. Top three foods ever? Yes. Whatever that white sauce they have (which I was told to order double of and than proceeded to ask for triple more of) was flippin' fantabulous. They both also forced me to do a Sake bomb. Which I despised because chugging is not my forte whatsoever. So I stuck to the scorpion bowl and let them chug nasty beer filled with grossness.

And then we went to that bar I was telling you about. Again. Imagine a really stinky place with lots of dudes playing darts and lots of pitchers being poured. And there you have The Rocket - which is basically Whitney's apartment since I was there more than I was in her princess palace. This place is also the reason I need to shampoo my hair fifty times and wash my clothes fifty more than that. Because I am STILL getting whifs of Rocket even now.


Guys. I can't with this place. I was skipping to it I was so happy. It's like my entire childhood came alive right in front of my own eyeballs. Olivanders was a real place. The Hogwarts Express was chillin' in all of its glory. Honeydukes made me a literal kid in a candy store which was complete with Every Flavour Beans and Chocolate Frogs and everything. The Butterbeer was delish. And the Hogwarts castle...oh that castle. I'm pretty sure I signed a lease to live there in my sleep last night. 

And then I had to leave the magical place. And then I was sad for the rest of eternity. Just kidding, I found a Despicable Me minion shirt anddd the unicorn in one of the shops and, duh, had to buy it. "It's so fluffy I'm gonna dieee!!!" Although I never ended up buying that unicorn and I'm still really freaking sad about it. I think I asked Whit about sixteen times why I was stupid enough to leave it there. Bad Erin. Bad, bad, Erin. But you can bet your bottom dollar I will be wearing this to the movies when Despicable Me 2 comes out.

That night was filled with another round of food that was so delish that I might hop back on a plane tomorrow just to go get some. Spicy edamame, rolls, and the best damn sangria I've had in a while. Oh and the nicest waitress to ever grace Orlando. Then again every single person I met down there was the nicest person to ever grace Orlando. I know I come from NYC where we're known to be grumps but holy hell those Floridians sure know how to make you feel like the most important person in the place.

Oh and then I met the biggest dog on the planet while we were walking home and I fell in love with him forever and ever. I like my dogs big. That's what she said...

Anyway, he was a horse and I couldn't get him to stop moving around long enough to get a picture. That is why he looks like a blob of black ghost.

The last day. Begin the waterworks now. 

We started off going to brunch...again with the amazing food...again with the nice hostess. Is this getting old by now? I ate a lot of food that I liked a whole lot. Okay good you got it. 

Then we went back to Whit's complex to go lay out by the pool. You can tell we were busy the entire five days by the fact that I didn't get to see the pool until the very last day. I'm kind of sad about this now because that pool is awesome enough to make me hightail it to Florida and never look back. I mean, I did see a sign at the leasing office saying one bedrooms are available. Hmm....

This is also when I decided it was finally time to tan the Casper like strap lines that I had acquired over the weekend. So if anyone wants to know how to turn a halter into a strapless you just let me know because I somehow became a pro at it. Apparently not a pro at making faces in my iPhone when it's too sunny to see the screen, though. Please ignore whatever the hell that crooked smile thing is that I have going on. Embarrassing...

About twenty minutes after I snapped this the clouds rolled in and Whitney yelled "Abort, abort!" (no she didn't, I just made that up) and we hightailed it into her apartment before the thunderstorm came crashing down on us. Which was the perfect opportunity for a very long nap before our last night out. Which also later on involved a picture to document the occasion, duh. But could I cheese it any harder to make my face any rounder in this shot? Absolutely not.

Oh and then there was another amazing dinner. Guess I'm not over shoving food in your face huh? This one was filled with Fettuccine and shrimp in a Gorgonzola cream sauce with pine nuts sprinkled all over. I think I just peed a little. Put pine nuts on anything and I'll devour it. It was so good that I had it boxed up so that I could have the bartender at The Rocket heat it up for me at midnight while were out. If that's not pure class then I'm not sure what is folks.

But then the morning came way too quickly. And the alarms screamed "Goodbye to youuuu, goodbye to everything that you knewww" and I wanted to cry right then and there. So obviously I snapped one more picture of the little Ella and Seb, shook the sand out of my sandals, gave a giant wave to the princess palace and left the building. Whit dropped me off at the airport and just like that the most magical five days of para para paradise were over with my besty. And then I looked like this all. the. way. home. The end.

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