My One and Only Blogger Struggle

This picture has nothing to do with today's post. But someone once told me I should always include at least one picture in every blog post so today you get a picture of me doing a tequila shot. You're welcome.

One of the only real struggles I've faced with being a blogger is actually letting people know that I am a blogger. To this day I think I've only physically gone out of my way to tell maybe four people that I have this thing. Two of them being my parents. There isn't really anything in this world that gives me anxiety. I mean my straightener even turns off automatically so I don't have to worry about whether or not I left it on after leaving my apartment. Best invention ever? I believe so. 

But stick me in a conversation with someone who asks me what I do in my spare time and every butterfly in the meadow decides to fly right on up into my tummy. Nerve. Wrack. Ing. Because "Drinking Miller Lites and watching The Bachelorette" can only take me so far before I have to admit that I basically have a whole other life outside of my real one. And that whole life? It's spent online talking to strangers. Oh the looks that I get from people after admitting such juicy details. I'm about to start turning my camera on before I admit to this little baby of mine just to catch their priceless reactions.

Take exhibits A-G for example:

"So, like, you talk to girls online all day? Is there something I should know Erin?"
"Is this like Catfish?"
"Are you worried someone's going to show up at your door and kill you while you're in the shower?"
"I'm not on there am I?!"
"Wait you make money off of this shit, how can I do it? I'm funnier than you anyway."
"That's just, umm, really weird Erin..."
"What do you even write about? Liking babies and dogs?"

They're all pretty priceless really. And it's not that I'm embarrassed of having a blog (obviously), it's just that I'm embarrassed to have people I know reading the blog. When it was just me and my keyboard and a whole bunch of random strangers  from states I've never been to, I felt like I could write anything I damn well pleased and it would be as perfect as peach ring. People could judge me but that was a okay because I'd never have to run into them at the local bar or speak to them about real life things outside of my comfy little cyber circle. 

But then my parents started reading and my Grama started reading and random friends from home found me through Pinterest and girls from my sorority started messaging me letting me know they stalked my life and I also started telling a couple others. Oh and don't forget all the secret stalkers that love to hate all while pretending to be completely clueless to this whole thing. Those are my favorite, they're real cute. Hi haters!

So after you add up everyone in this new audience you get quite the group of IRL people reading le blog. Which is great because I love the support more than anything but at the same time it makes it a little harder to do my job here. Because sometimes I feel like I can't just be me and let my fingers fumble along this keyboard without having to think about what I'm actually trying to say. I start talking about drinking too much and I have Grama sending me emails telling me to "pace myself and make sure I eat" and "are you sure you need to talk about all that on there?". And the answer is always yes. 

Or I type out the word "shit" and I think well maybe I should go back and change that to crap since I do have family members reading this thing. Or I want to go on a rant about something that annoys the shit crap out of me but someone in real life actually does this annoying thing and will read that I despise this annoying thing so maybe I should just decide against writing about this annoying thing. You see the dilemmas here. Pretty big problems in life, let me tell ya....

But in all seriousness when this starts happening I feel like I'm not being real. And I never want to not be real. So I force myself to shut out each and every one of those people whenever I open up this little MacBook of mine and I try to catch all of those damn butterflies in my Elefun net before they make me too nervous to let the words "I have a blog" escape my lips. Because the people in my life who are proud and extremely supportive of this little journey of mine wouldn't ever want me to change what I'm doing because of them anyway. And the more people I spread the news to, the more page views I rack up. So it's all a win win at the end of the day right? Let's hope so.

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