Backing That Azz Up With a Weeny Wand

Here's a quick blogging tip for you: If you ever want your page views to quadruple on any given day then just go get your heart broken and write about it. I'm kidding, don't do that. It sucks the big one, big time. But for real - get serious for a single second around these parts and I swear you'd think your readers would want you to drop all the wine-induced twelve year old confessional posts and replace them with deep emotional shit. Well guess what? I'd let that happen like I'd let Blue Moons go skunked in my fridge.

I thank you all from the bottom of my puffy painted heart for all of the love and support you so easily throw my way when I decide to get real around here. I appreciate it more than you know and that's the only reason I ever grow balls big enough to hit that publish button on the "Why So Serious?" posts like yesterday's. But let's get back to the random mayhem, shall we? Yes, we shall because I have a couple things to share with you today. One including a penis wand. And that's how you know I'm back in the game my friends. Because if that doesn't excite you then just go read Amanda Byne's twitter feed or something. 

First thing's first:
Four recent obsessions brought to you by my Instagram feed. Because I haven't bombarded you with any of these on the blog in a very long time. You're welcome. 
One // A bright pink dress and some bright pink nails to match. Essie Peach Daiquiri to be exact.
Two // I want a bulldog like I want someone to hand deliver me an actual peach daiquiri right now. I'd squeeze it forever. 
Three //  These flowers. I've never seen them in my life. Except for in Dr. Seuss's world. I'm in love. 
Four // The gym. Whaaaaaaat?! Was my blog just hijacked? Is this really even Erin? Yes, yes it is. I'm just as shocked as you. 
Secondly: 
It's #backthatazzupfriday once again with Whitsticle and this is the last one before I will be on a plane headed to her Princess Palace for five days next Friday. This. Could. Not. Have. Come. At. A. Better. Time. If you haven't noticed, I just can't talk about my love affair with this girl because it just excites me too much. So let's just jam out for a quick second instead. Because that's what she wants me to do anyway. 
I wanted to sing Leona Lewis' "Better in Time" just because that's as fitting as all hell right now to my life but that's depressing. So here I am settling on Will.I.Am and Miley Cyrus with "Fall Down" even though Bravo's summer commercial is quickly ruining it for me. Happens every time. Damn you Andy Cohen.
Thirdly: 
There was once a girl named Stevie. A girl...named Stevie. No, you are not drunk - yes, you read right. I was somewhat confused by her name at first too, but don't you worry, I've come to find out that girls with boy names are usually much cooler than girls with girl names. That's really not logical but just go with it for this post alright? Stevie is the one who fell in love, got engaged, and is now about to get married to the love of her life. But this isn't your average engaged couple who decide to turn into boring bumps on a log as soon as that ring slides on. Oh no.

Because the love of her life is the one who decided to forgo getting proper medication for an infected eye because that would have meant he couldn't drink alcohol at his bachelor party this past weekend. And she is the one who beat someone over the head with a penis wand at her party this past weekend. 

So yeah. I''m pretty sure I could end this little once upon a time story about Stevie right here because that's basically all you really need to know to determine that the girl is worth a closer look. But you wan't more don't you? Well good because that's what I'm giving you. But I'm cheating and stealing something from her blog because I liked it that much and I think it's the perfect thing to show you a bit more about her than weeny wand slinging. So without further adieu, I give you...Five Things that Stevie Loves (and what I think about them):

ONE:
Stevie // My Mom. Not a single one of you is surprised by this. My best friend, my role model.
Erin // I hear you a hundred percent on this one, girl. I think my heart would automatically crumble into a million and seven pieces if I ever lost my mom. Momma bears - number one on the list fo sho. 

TWO:
Stevie // Rosie. Some people say their pets are their children, and I'm one of them. She's not our cat, she's our family. We're complete with her!
Erin // I don't like cats (I don't hate them, I just LOVE puppies) (you all knew that already) but I will love Rosie just for you Stevie. But only for you.

THREE: 
Stevie // Getting (fun) Mail. I mean come on, who doesn't?!
Erin // If I ever got fun mail I'd agree but apparently I have no friends to receive fun mail from. Shout out to my grama for the random newspaper clippings and coupons though, because that's the only "fun" mail I ever get. I'm not pathetic or anything.

FOUR: 
Stevie // Christmas. I don't even care that it's May. I really would listen to Christmas carols year round. they make me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Erin // Don't you even get me started on Christmas. I think I love Christmastime more than I love a cold beer on a Friday night (and a pair of jeans that fit just right while we're at it). I love the warm fuzzies like no other.

FIVE: 
Stevie // Football. This is like something straight out of Friday Night Lights. I can't wait to start working in a high school for Football Fridays to be back in my life. Also, I'm an Eagles fan.
Erin // Well shit, I said Christmas was my favorite but maybe I'm backtracking. Because the first NFL game of the season? Ohhhh my word. The Eli Manning jersey goes on and the chicken wings go down and I am in all sorts of heaven. 

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