The Things My Head Thought Last Night

My heart is sad about Boston, let's cook myself some crab rangoons to make it a little happier.

Shit, this stupid frozen Archer Farms box from Target has the red sauce in the picture on the front but doesn't actually include it. Da fuk? I can't eat goons without the sweet and sour sauce. Guess I'm trucking my ass across the street to Wok n' Roll to go buy a side of theirs.


Slippers. Where are my slippers? I'm not getting dressed again just to walk across the street. I'm wearing the damn slippers.

Well I'll be damned, frozen goons from Target are actually miraculously wonderful. How 'bout them apples.


Why does every single show that I watch have to be on Mondays and/or Tuesdays. I need a god damn life. It's really not acceptable to not have enough hours in a night to be able to watch all your TV shows.

What in the eff you see kay did we ever do without DVR?

Steak. I think I'll cook myself some steak now. I feel like being classy or something tonight. I mean I was drinking with chandeliers last weekend, I think I can get down with a steak.


How does one cook a steak?

Well that was delightful. And you're not throwing up yet so I guess you did an okay job at cooking it there Erin. Go pat yourself on the back.

And open a can of Pringles.

How does Shakira pull off blonde hair so well?! Maybe I could do that. A change might be good for me right about now.

Erin you're on crack. You are never dying your hair blonde. You've never even highlighted it. Come back down to reality my pretty peach.

Speaking of pretty. I'm still really loving my little Target birdy that's hanging out with me on my coffee table. Why must I have such an obsession with little animal figurines?


Speaking of birds...let's have an Easter Peep now shall we? Hopefully they're hard enough for my liking. (I only like Peeps if they're hard and chewy) I'm not normal. But you already knew that.

Put the Pringles away Erin.

Can I get an amen to the original housewives of OC? And can I get a Californian sugar daddy to come scoop me up and allow me to open a gym or bounce on trampolines or host clam bake parties as my day job? I think I'd like that.

Can I also find a way to stuff every single crazy insane psycho terrorist into Miss Trunchbull's chokey closet for the rest of eternity? My heart is sad again.

I should probably watch Matilda again soon. It's a feel good movie.

Is there anything else that I want to eat in the kitchen or have I eaten it all in this one single sitting.

How exactly do you think you're getting yourself in a bathing suit in a couple months? Good thing you completely bypassed that section at Target this past weekend. Yikes!

I really wish my left nostril would blow. It's really cute the way it's just completely plugged up.

I think I actually jinxed myself last Friday when I said my allergies weren't going to come this year. I hate myself for that. I mean tulips are pretty cool and all but then again...so is breathing ya know?


Now I'm going to look like I cried all night every morning when I wake up with puffed out puffer fish eyeballs.

Puffer fish. Seafood. THERE ARE SHRIMPS IN MY FREEZER. Oh hell yes. Guess I'm not done eating quite yet kids.

That is enough. You must stop this nonsense. You just wrote an entire post of your thoughts and 99.9% of them were related to the food in your kitchen. You're gross. Put the laptop away and get on the floor and do some crunches.

(Or just eat the last of your Reese's Eggs and go to sleep)

Yup, that.

P.S. Remember that the "When I Grow Up" linkup party hosted by me and Whitney is happening this Thursday! Grab the button and come play with us. It's going to be one heck of a party.
Two Thirds Hazel


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