The Things I Love

1. The first few warm days of the spring season. This is when the sunlight still feels like a big cozy safety blanket wrapped around your pale winterized body and not a suffocatingly humid heat wave of hell.


2. The fact that I have not yet had the Taco Bell cooler ranch Doritos locos taco. This really gets me going. McDonald's delivers to fatties so why can't T-Bell deliver to me? I'd pay twenty bucks for three tacos. I promise.

3. Being able to finish a bottle of wine in two glasses. I'm really good at it. If there was such thing as an adult field day I'd choose it as my game of choice. (My Grama is judging me for this one) (Yes she does read my blog) (Yes she does email me telling me to tone it down) (No I do not listen)


4. My lovely Grama. Have I ever mentioned her? One day I'll write you all a post about how amazing that woman is. It's ironic that I want to get a tattoo dedicated to her yet she hates tattoos.

5. Living in a country that allows such things as Dance Moms to air every week. I find no greater joy than watching Miss Abby waddle her way into a competition and cry over her stuffed dog. I repeat, the crazy bitch STUFFED her damn dead dog. Just kill me now. And then stuff me and bring me to the Abby Lee Dance Company. At least she'll appreciate me.


6. Gummy peach rings. From the bulk candy section of Wegman's.

7. Wegman's.

8. Not you if you've never heard of or stepped foot into a Wegman's. And here you think I'm joking...


9. Being able to show everyone up with my ice cream making abilities whenever I go to a China Buffet. This is because my first ever job was at an ice cream store so I own at my soft serve twirl skillz. Okay I take it back, THIS would be my field day trick of choice.

10. The children in the AT&T commercials. "But what about the animals? What did...? What would they be made out of?" If you don't know what I'm talking about please resort to my best friend Google to accompany you along your journey in life. Or please just get a TV and sit in front of it for ten minutes...I'm sure it'll be on. Scratch all that - just watch this:


11. When pigeons attack. One of them once flew straight into my head here in NYC. It. Was. Horrifying. I'd rather a homeless man hit me in the head with the hand he wipes his ass crack with. I already regret that last sentence. I take it back.

12. When life hands you the lemonade instead of the lemons. Sure makes things a whole hell of a lot easier when it happens that way, huh?


13. Writing blog posts in bullet point form. Easy on your eyes. Easy on my brain. We all win. You're welcome.

14. The fact that I am for once not ending my bullets at a solid "This is a good stopping place" number. Like 10 or 15 or 20. Maybe that bottle of wine has cured my OCD. And here I thought people needed to shell out hard-earned dough to see a therapist for that. Wine is the answer my friends.

And that is all you really need to know in life. The end.
Oh and the fact that I stole this blog post idea from the Wegman's bandit herself Alissa.
Bottoms up my friends...it's Thirsty Thursday.

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