Life Via Erin's Fanny Pack

Why hello there 2013, it's Erin's fanny pack here. I'm from the good ol' days of '95, 1995 that is, back from the time when it was acceptable for you to cut off the first two digits of the year and not sound like a stupid head. (I'm also from the days when even the phrase 'stupid head' got your mouth washed out with soap) That never happened to my dear sweet Erin though. She was a pretty pretty princess.

Speaking of princesses...I might just have a couple lying around in here somewhere. Please turn your head so I can unzip myself and see.


Well would you look at that, I was right! I've got Aurora, Jasmine, Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, and Ariel in here. On a good day you'll find that little blonde-haired twit Tinkerbelle as well but that's IT. None of this frufru  Rapunzel or Princess Tiana bullshit. They're not part of the original crew so they are not welcome at my Pog party.

Or my "Dress up as your favorite Spice Girl and come choreograph a dance with Erin" party. Sorry about it. Plus you would probably want to be Posh anyway and my Erin already has that covered. Skimpy black dress and snoody looks down pat and everything. Just don't tell Erin's mom 'cause she doesn't understand the craze.

Gosh darn it all - Erin's mom also doesn't understand how important my computer time is either because she's currently kicking me off AOL so that she can use the phone line. BRB GUYZ, XOXO!


And I'm back! Maybe one day they'll invent something to fix this little tizzy. Maybe one day they'll even invent a blanket that has sleeves so that I can be warm and type at the same time. I'd definitely call it a Snuggie. God, I'm such a genius.

Anyway, back to what's in Erin's fanny pack:

I have every single episode of Rugrats. Because Tommy Pickles rules the world in 1995 and the arrival of his little brother Dill will be better than the arrival of Brad and Jen's baby. P.S. Best couple ever. They will never ever break up. Just look at them.

Moving on...I have a skip-it in here and Erin will beat all of you bitches at it. I'm surprised she isn't practicing right now. Too busy watching Full House I guess...

A Skip It is not to be confused with a Bop It, even though she'll probably beat you at this too.

This girl can also make a masterpiece out of a Lite Brite.

Keep those fat disgusting Furby things away from me and my pack, though. I "accidentally" smashed Erin's against the wall because it annoyed me scared the shit out of me so much. Shh don't tell. The Furby might attack.

She was too busy drawing hearts and flowers on her Doodle Bear to notice me do it though so it's fine. Not this this thing is any less creepy than the last.

Wait are you guys hungry? I have quite a few snacks stuffed away in here. Dunkaroos, Band-Aid gum, 3D Doritos, Gushers, Pixie Stix, Baby Bottle Pops, Lunchables, Fruit by the Foot, you name it - I got it. And none of it will make you fat because you play "Don't Touch the Gravel" tag every damn day at recess. The first lady doesn't even need to tell you to do it, you just do.

Speaking of band-aids though, I could probably use one for the blisters all over Erin's toes. Those jelly shoes don't mess around kids. I suggest wearing another type of shoe while playing Red Rover. I don't think you're ready for that jelly. Hey, that would make for a good song.

Damn it my butterfly clip just snapped in half and now I can't fasten down Erin's last corn row. She's going to throw a hissyyy at me. I guess I'll just have to whip out my zig zag comb and give her a crazy cool part.

I'm really not sure if I can fit it in here though because I'm pretty positive I just added the 100th Beanie Baby to my collection yesterday. It's getting a little out of control up in here. I even have the mini baby ones from the Happy Meals at McDonald's. Oh, and someone saw Erin eating my meal and told her that she should probably eat an apple instead. The nerve! I was all like "Lady this is McDonald's, they don't serve healthy things like apples in kid's meals. Never have, never will", let's get for cereal over here. Am I right? No? Guess I need to go bury myself in my pile of bean animals.

Okay this has gone on long enough. I still need to run to Claire's and pick up a Best Friend Forever necklace that I can split with my bestie, Miss Lisa Frank trapper keeper.

Oh, and I can only be away from my Tamagotchi baby for so long. If I don't feed it and clean up its poop plops fast enough it will die on me. And then the entire world will crash and burn in front of me and you don't want to see that happen. But I mean who would ever burn a fanny pack?! I'll be cool forever. Better believe.

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