What Gives?

I've been rather heated about something recently. There have been pangs of jealousy and a few feelings of being left out floating around in there as well. I don't think it's really fair that half of America is experiencing overwhelming joy and posting about it all over social media while I'm sitting here left in the dust just wishing to be them.

What in the hell am I talking about you may ask? 
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!

Where in the hell are mine? Where are all of those Brownies and Daisies at who should be standing in front of stores making me feel bad for not buying a box, or two, or twelve. I feel like all of you kids in the Midwest and southern states have already gotten yours but not up here NYC. No, we're just drooling more than Honey Boo Boo over sketti with butter and ketchup.

But as I was seeing all of your posts I got to thinking about how odd this whole Girl Scout cookie operation is. I mean for starters, why do they roll out the dough at different times of the year for different parts of the country? Aren't they the ones that sing "A circle is round it has no end that's how long I want to be your friend"? Yeah well I don't want to be friends with anyone who decides to serve me last. Obviously I didn't learn my patience from your organization. That's why I downloaded the "FindCookies" iPhone app to tell me exactly when and where they'll start showing up in my area. This is no joke people. There really is an app for everything short of wiping your own ass for you.


I mean, how flippin adorable is that? Little cookies to show you where to actually get the little cookies. And sometimes I wonder why I'm not that much of a genius... They even chose the best cookie of them all to be the icon. The top dog on the playground for sure. Try to tell me it's Thin Mints and we'll go at it. 

On to the other reason the Girl Scouts of America are a little backwards though. It took me about 19 years to realize that there are two names for these itty bitty caramely coconutty discs of heaven. Up until I went to college they were always Caramel DeLites. Nothing else. That is until my roommate came back from break, pulled one out of the purple box and goes "Want a Samoa?". Pshhhhh a WHAT? Did you just say S'more in a ghetto accent? Sumo wrestler wearing a boa? Huh?
After a little arguing I decided to look that shit up and turns out there are two bakers that make all the cookies. One company has one list of names and the other has a completely different list. Depending on what region you live in you'll get a certain company. Da fuq?

Caramel DeLite = Samoa
Peanut Butter Patty = Tagalong
Shortbread = Trefoil
Peanut Butter Sandwich = Do-Si-Do

Pretty crazy right? Did you know this? What do you call them?