Things That Irk My Tator - Social Media Edition

1.
Tweeting your horoscope.
Or for that matter, posting your horoscope anywhere publicly.
It's your gosh darn horoscope. Not mine.
So why exactly would I care to be reading it? Unless I personally ask you how your orbital moon is looking and whether or not it will in turn cause you stress in your occupational activities today then just keep that boring crap to yourself.
 
2.
Posting multiple pictures in a row on Instagram.
Instagram is not your personal photo album.
If I want to see multiple pictures of you and your friends drinking martinis at a bar then I'll head on over to your Facebook page and check out your latest "Girl's Night" album.
Nothing pains me more than liking one of these pictures and then having to exert my thumbs precious energy to scroll down another five feet of Instagram feed to finally get through your posting spree.
Good grief.
 
3.
Shit talking about another person in your Facebook status.
I couldn't count on my fingers, toes, eyelashes, and freckles the amount of times I have almost commented on these types of people's statuses telling them to shut their annoying traps.
Baby mommas who go off on their ex baby daddies for being "worthless pieces of immature shit who still get babied by their own parents and will never grow up" might need to check back in their own mirrors a time or two.
Cut the crap and go argue Eminem/Rihanna style away from social media.
At least then I'd have a cool video to watch.
 
4.
Using eleventy thousand hash tags on an Instagram photo.
This one confuses the heavens out of me.
I mean I guess people do it so that others can find their picture under all of the possible tags but if you are the type of person to have a paragraph of hashtags under each and every one of your pictures then I have probably unfollowed you by now.
Example: Someone posts a picture of a sunset. Normally if it was really pretty I'd click the "heart like" button.
BUT, if you have "#sunset #sun #set #prettysunset #orange #yellow #orangeandyellow #skyline #sky #line #cool #nighttime #night  #sungoingdown #sunsetting #skies #clouds #cloud #cloudy
I'd rather click a "middle finger eff you" button.
 
5.
Sending game requests on Facebook.
Zombies. Goblins. Farms. Pinball. Texas Holdem.
You name it, I don't want it.
I'm still one of those dorks that gets excited when I see the little red notification button pop up on my Facebook app tile.
But if I go to check it and all you're doing is sending me a request to battle against your E.Coli bacteria to try to kill off the human population (this is a serious game now kids) then I will have to come stuff a flubby piece of raw chicken down your throat so we can just kill you off instead.
 
The End
All of this was meant in good humor and fun.
I won't actually say eff you.
Or kill you.
But I can't promise I won't judge the hell out of you.
Take it with a grain of salt - add in a lime and a shot of tequila for good measure.