Girl Code 2.0: The Expanded Edition

There is nothing odder and more embarrassing than reading your own blog posts from the past.
I would rather walk around with snot dripping down my face than re-read the things that I once wrote.
Especially when those things consist of dating advice...
Talk about awkward with a side of awkward and a big glass of awkward to go along with it.

So when the lovely Janna sent me her guest post for today I just about spit up my root beer float and shit my pants all at the same time. That's because she took my old post and expanded on it by adding in her own views. Pretty genius if you ask me, but still all the while embarrassing for me to relive the words I had written almost six months prior.

I'll let her take it away. All I ask is that you don't judge my dating advice from way back in September too harshly. Just laugh a lot and maybe learn a little.


Awhile back our little nugget, Erin, posted the "Girl Code" dating advice and I'm here as the married "woman" to discuss the fine points of said code. I happen to have snared a hunk who treats me like a princess, so you might call me an expert. *wink, wink

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Lemme break it down for ya...
(Erin's ideas from her original post are in black and my additions are in blue)

Erin: Never allow yourself to be the first to text/call after a first date.
If he liked you he will talk to you.
If he didn't, welp, on the next on on to the next one.
Me: This one happens to be true. However, make sure that you either save his name and number as well or at least clarify when he texts. I happened to have given my number to Will my now husband and a Will from a group project in the same week. Will #1 almost never text me again when I confused him for Will #2. Whoops! This was also back in the Myspace days. After our first date, Will added me on Myspace the second he got home. That's when I knew that he was hooked ;)

Erin: Turn on the faucet if a guy is in ear shot distance of the bathroom and could hear you tinkle.
Me: Guys will see right through this, and at the beginning they will be okay with tinkling...they won't be okay with you ruining their image of women not foofing or anything else from that hole. Save that for once the relationship is well established, ie. you have enough secrets about him that he won't run and tell his buddies.

Erin: Do not dabble in any "man-repelling" trends. Like ever. Ie. high waisted shorts, harem pants, neon eye liner, head piece jewelry, etc.
That is unless you're dating Kanye West. Then do whatever you damn please because the dude wears skirts.
Me: Ladies, men will NEVER like high waisted shorts and the like. You forward or keeping your man's attention. Save that shit for GNO. Sure...they will still love you if you wear it, but personally, I want my husbands love and his desire.

Erin: Avoid any of your best friend's exes at all times.
Like the plague.
Me: This is a good rule of thumb, but then I think...what if he was the "one" for you. What I suggest is that you are a) honest with your bestie about your new found feelings {you better not have been having day dreams about him while they were dating} and b) you are damn sure that it's not just that you want what you shouldn't have. Once you go there, there is no turning back.

Erin: Please do consume your dinner. You are a human after all.
We humans do in fact do that crazy thing called "eat".
Me: My husband loved my appetite, my love for whiskey, and my knowledge of cars. Don't play dumb and don't try to be someone you are not. They will see through you.
This was the food from my last Birthday weekend:
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Erin: Be intelligent and never sell yourself short. This whole "guys like dumb girls" act was in fact a ploy made up by the dumb girls themselves.
Me: Even if the guy does like "dumb girls", how long would you want to keep that shit going? If he falls for you as the "dumb" girl, he will drop you like a hot potato when you let your true colors show. Total waste of time and energy. Have you seen The Ugly Truth?

Erin: Leave your ex in the dumpster (where he belongs) and focus on the present.
Me: A-freakin'-men. Unless you broke up for a week {hubby and I did} then you didn't love each other enough in the first place. If you can live without that person and go on with life {and vice versa} then you won't last later when shit gets real, ie. marriage. 

Erin: Be witty and spit a little game. 
Don't know how? Well that sucks.
Be playful. Crack jokes (not the knock knock ones). Make fun of him and yourself.
Me: Laughter and fun banter are what good relationships are built on. If you aren't having fun, then life will probably be pretty boring for you guys as a couple. I don't know anyone who wants that.
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Erin: Like sports? Make it known.
Like guns? Make it known.
Like bacon? Make it known.
Like politics? Shut your mouth.
Me: Unless the Political talk turns him on. My husband thought it was great that I didn't live under a rock. You could also use this as a tester if you are really big on politics or religion. If you can't come to an agreement, then you may not respect each other enough to continue the relationship.

Erin: If you've got it flaunt it but make sure you stay classy enough to always leave something for his imagination to run wild with after the date.
"Be a lady in the street and a..."
Me: Ladies, if nothing else, remember that sex is the BEST part of marriage. It is not something that you hold over your husband's head, it is not a chore. It is a gift that connects you, it is to be enjoyed, and it will keep your man happy and with YOU. Just because you get married, doesn't mean the fun ends and nor should it.

Remember, you don't make someone fall in love with you. You mutually fall for each other and then you create a relationship together. Don't be a typical, needy, slutty, dumb girl. You've got this, and "the one" will be putty in your hands when he gets to know the REAL you!

Thanks for having me, beautiful, and thanks for visiting my blog today too!


And there you have it.
Some single lady advice from me six months ago and some married advice from Janna.
I'm glad to see that not too much changes from singledom to marriage when it comes to dating advice.
The single chicks just don't have anyone to open pickle jars for them. And that right there is reason enough to find yourself a husband. Those things put of quite the fight.

P.S. Be sure to head over to Janna's BLOG because we swapped places today and you'll find me there!
Then just stalk the crap attack out of her because she's beautiful, spunky, and as sweet at they come.