The majority of the bloggers I follow are either:
B) Counting down the days 'til they get married
C) Begging their boyfriends to put a 2 carat on it so they can count down the days to getting married.
There are a few lone rangers, like myself, in this fabulous Blogland that are living the dream life in the dating pool.
This pool does also include a single Ryan Lochte, quite literally.
Which means all of you married folk are happy as a clam buried in the sand but really just stalk us single folk so you can still live vicariously through us.
So if you're one of those "happily married ooey gooey looks like a booger" clams then this post is not for you.
Please make your way to the nearest wedding countdown and feast your eyes upon some thrilling Save The Dates or Honeymoon Planning posts.
This one's for all my single ladies.
Now put your hands up.
Here are just a few rules to follow (or not follow, I'm no Patty Stanger) while meandering down the road of dating.
Please feel free to make fun of me for even attempting to write a post on advice.
I am by no means an expert.
Hence why I have had a total of one (Facebook official) (because that's obviously how we determine real life) (I'm totally kidding) boyfriend in my last 23 years of existence.
So please make sure to take everything I'm about to say with
a shot of tequila and a grain of salt.
Never allow yourself to be the first to text/call after a first date.
If he liked you he will talk to you.
If he didn't, welp, on the next on on to the next one.
Turn on the faucet if a guy is in ear shot distance of the bathroom and could hear you tinkle.
Do not dabble in any "man-repelling" trends. Like ever. Ie. high waisted shorts, harem pants, neon eye liner, head piece jewelry, etc.
That is unless you're dating Kanye West. Then do whatever you damn please because the dude wears skirts.
Avoid any of your best friend's exes at all times.
Like the plague.
Please do consume your dinner. You are a human after all.
We humans do in fact do that crazy thing called "eat".
Be intelligent and never sell yourself short. This whole "guys like dumb girls" act was in fact a ploy made up by the dumb girls themselves.
Leave your ex in the dumpster (where he belongs) and focus on the present.
Be witty and spit a little game.
Don't know how? Well that sucks.
Be playful. Crack jokes (not the knock knock ones). Make fun of him and yourself.
Like sports? Make it known.
Like guns? Make it known.
Like bacon? Make it known.
Like politics? Shut your mouth.
If you've got it flaunt it but make sure you stay classy enough to always leave something for his imagination to run wild with after the date.
"Be a lady in the street and a..."
And that's where I'll leave ya.