Teen Mom and a Turd Like Behavior

So I'm sitting here watching Teen Mom.
The FINAL and LAST ever episode of Teen Mom.
And I find myself feeling sad. Over freakin' Teen Mom. This is what society has done to me.
Great.
As much as I want to slap Farrah for going through her terrible twenties more than Sophia in her terrible twos...
And as much as I want to stick Amber in a mental health unit that's not a two month Caribbean vacation...
And as much as I want to hand Maci an entire year's supply worth of Proactive for that pizza face...
And as much as I want to give Caitlynn a hug for being sane throughout the entire three year journey...
I will semi miss these ladies and especially their little nuggets they call children.
You can sue me, slap me, unfollow me, and judge me all you want but that's just the plain hard truth.
This show taught me that my life actually is pretty effing great.

And I'm not saying teen moms don't have great lives I'm just saying I could never ever in a million years have accomplished everything I have so easily if I was one.

I received a license at 16 instead of a kid's birth certificate, finished High School on time, acquired a Bachelors degree, moved out of my parents house, got a job, lived my teenage life, got wasted at my 21st birthday party, and don't have an eight year old sitting next to me on the couch picking his nose and wiping it on me right now.
I consider that success.
I also consider the fact that I drove my Dad's F350 four by four beast of a truck to lunch this week without ending up in a ditch a success as well.
Heather asked me to meet her for lunch and I was all like "Why yes of course I would love to stuff my face with food from home that I haven't had in ages."
Yes, of course. Don't have to ask me twice, let alone once.
Then I stepped out the front door of mi casa and realized Padre took Madre's second car to work. The car I was planning on driving to lunch.
The only cars left in the driveway were Dad's mammoth sized truck which has a rack on top and two kayaks on top of that.
OR
The Nissan 350Z that would make me look like a baller but unfortunately is a stick shift and this little lady does not know how to drive stick.
I tried once.
My Dad taught me in the Z while backing up our long windy driveway. I looked like a turd "touching cotton" stop and going all the way up the drive.
This saying is apparently a more PC term for prarie dogging it.
(thank you Jen for teaching me this)
Real cute.
Looking back I now realize that this was probably intentionally done by him because he knew I would suck donkey sack at it by being taught this way.
He just simply didn't want me to be driving his sports car around town picking up making out with them boyz in it.
What a smart Daddy he is.
I digress...
So I was forced to hop my scrawny butt into the army tank sized truck and drive like a boss all the way to lunch.
Anyone passing must have looked at the 12 year old in the front seat and sincerely questioned why they were in fact on the road.
Granted I did make it to and from lunch in one piece.
Unfortunately for you this just forced you to read a post on Teen Mom and a turd.
You are so welcome.