If You Really Knew Me


You'd know that that up there is a picture of my face.

Now if I ever go missing you'll be able to spot that face and can save the day.

Glad that's settled.

If you really knew me you would also know that...

I'm not an emotional person and I rarely ever get sappy. That is until you hand me a bottle of wine...

I want a puppy more than anything in the world.

I am ridiculously meticulous and anal about everything having its own "spot". My room is always clean, barely looks lived in, and there is absolutely zero clutter.

I was the teeniest little thing up until college when I started drinking beer. It was a great day when I hit the 100lb mark the summer after my Senior year.

I am pickier than a five year old with vegetables when it comes to the male species.

I used to cry when Lil Broski got detention and had to sit at the "bad kids" table during lunch in Elementary school.

I do not watch scary movies. Ever. Period. After Samara climbed out of that well it was all over.

I eat an entire field of corn every single summer.

All I want to be when I grow up is a stay at home mom and I can't wait (yes I can) to have little mini me's.

I'm very shy in social situations and tend not to talk much around people I don't know which often gets misconstrued as me coming off as a stuck up bitch.

I don't ever fight or argue with my mother but I could go on for hours with my father.

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. We do everything for a reason. We choose to make the choices in our lives, it's not destiny.

I do not tolerate racism and will remove myself from any situation involving it so my tiny fist doesn't end up in someone's eye socket.

I diagnosed myself with Misophonia. Which translates to "Hatred of Sound". It's a neurological disorder. Those that have it are easily annoyed or enraged by certain repetitive sounds such as chewing, sneezing, coughing, foot tapping, heavy breathing, etc. Totally me.

I was an extremely late bloomer. Period at 16, 12 year old molars at 16, braces in College, etc. Hence why I look about five years younger than I really am.

I like to eat. I eat a lot. I pack it in like a chipmunk in November.

I have to wear XS bathing suit tops and medium bathing suit bottoms. Girl's got a donk. I'm completely unproportional.

I have some killer neat handwriting and for a year I would only write in capital letters.

I have been making lists of kid's names since I was ten. I'm obsessed with names and the meanings behind them. I will NEVER be able to choose a name for my future child.

If I am home I am not wearing pants.

I want to save puppies off the street and train them to become therapy dogs for children at pediatric hospitals. Dream job.

I pee more often than Kimmy K tweets about Kanye. And that is pretty damn often my friends. Seriously though, I pee at least 20 times a day. I need help.

I think I was supposed to be born a dude. I'm usually the one acting like the guy making the boys go all sissy sappy princess in relationships. I prefer a Bud Light to a martini any day. And I can hold my own in a sports conversation.

I cannot do a pull up, whistle, or make a thumbs up with my big toe.

I can do a cartwheel, roll my tongue, and snap real loud. Someone get me to the circus.

I'm awkward as hell if I don't know you. I have self diagnosed beer as a good medicine for it.

I like talking about myself and could go on and on and on and on for days.

So I will stop. Because now you know every important detail there is to know about myself. Except for my SSN and credit card number. I'll think I'll keep those to myself.
Creeps.