Rambling Rants

Today I'm not going to talk about rainbows and butterflies.

I'm going to talk about things that blow donkey dung. Because sometimes you just need to let out a little rant.

And there are quite a few things in life that I LOVE to rant about.


Exhibit A: Bug Bites

I'm not the sweetest candy in the shop personality wise but boyyy oh boy my skin is on another level of sugary goodness for those damn mosquitoes.

My feet are magnets for bites. And the world is lucky I don't own a boyfriend because scratching the skin off of my feet in the middle of the night would surely make any manly friend punch me square in the jaw.

Oh, and I once got a bug bite on my eyelid. EYELID. That shitake mushrooms shouldn't even be possible in life.


Exhibit B: Non-signaling Drivers

If you do this - you should be shot.

Just kidding I'm not that ridiculous or vicious but in all seriousness you shouldn't be on the road if you can't remember (or don't think it's important) to use the gosh darn turn signal.

This is not solely for safety purposes either. It's also because you're wasting precious time that I could be walking across the street if you were to signal that you were turning if you are indeed turning instead of plowing straight through the intersection.

Now that, my friends, was a run on sentence.

But yeah...

Don't waste my time with your laziness.
Rule #1 to being my friend.

Oh and P.S. I find it really strange if you call your turn signal a "directional".
Just sayin'...


Exhibit C: Female Sport-Loving Pretenders

This one might actually warrant a shooting.

But I'm just kidding again.
Maybe just a dirty look and a swift accidental trip at the sportsbar will do.

What I mean by this one is this: if you're a "hardcore fan" of a team you'll be there during regular season and NOT just when your team makes the playoffs/postseason etc.

You will also know more than the one star player on the team. (Example: not just Jeter if you're a "Yanks fan" or Eli if you're a "Gmen fan".)
Make sense?

You will also know the rules to the game.
(Example: what a fumble means in football or what a sac fly means in baseball.)

It's all fine and dandy if you don't give a flying frisbee about sports and/or skipped over this entire section all together

BUT

Don't you dare go purchase yourself a bedazzled Victoria's Secret jersey and start flaunting around on Facebook about how excited you are when your "favorite" team wins.

Or just do it and watch me dump my beer on your head.
(On accident of course)


Exhibit D:

Chicks that complain about pointless crap like I just did in exhibits A-C...
Whoops.