Bachelorette Recap

Episode #5

Well Miss Emily Maynard sure is shaping up to be one hell of a little lady isn’t she. If I had to choose my #1 on this show it would probably just be her.

Just kidding, but in all honesty I was pretty sure this season was going to do one big belly flop just because she seemed a little boring in the personality department on Brad’s season.

Her West Virginia Hood Rat Back Woods attitude surely has changed my mind though…and I love every second of her sweet yet sassy personality.
On to the dates...

Date with Sean:
  He’s definitely in my top three choices at this point (excluding Emily). That whole D1 athlete, big , buff and manly thing really gets me going.

Plus they were super cute together and Emily looks like she’s right at home in his arms, aww.

Plus he wasn’t a d-bag and didn’t wait seventeen hours to kiss the girl.

I’m still sticking to my guns though and saying he needs to spice it up a bit and steal an ounce of Ryan’s spunky side to truly capture my heart.
All in all, bravo Sean, we like you.

We also liked Emily’s trench coat.

Group Date:
Can I please just say that I cannot stand Shakespeare? I never have and I’m positive I never will. I slumped down in my chair so fast in High School when parts were being given out for those plays. The sentimental rush of romantical feelings one is supposed to feel after that shizz is something I surely do not experience. Hence why I thought this date was going to make my skin crawl.

But then Doug wore a very large and in charge nurse hat and Ostrich egg boy stole the show and it was a blast. Good thing the men knew how to turn a bad time into a hysterical one because I surely would have been a sour puss.

Then of course Kalon ruined it by shooing her away. WHAT (?) WHO ARE YOU (!) This is the third time so far that I would have grabbed that idiot and walked him straight to a cab. I was floored. Like use your hand to pick your jaw off the floor, floored.

I must say that Ryan was pretty damn smooth with that Romeo double-take kiss. He keeps going from 0 to 100 on my love meter. Half the crap he pulls makes me cringe; the other half makes me swoon.

Emily said it best by saying he thinks he can get any girl he wants and she’s falling for it but good for her for knowing to keep an eye on him. I secretly hope she does pick him and he stops being so cocky but I also hope to heck she doesn’t because I guarantee he’ll break her heart. He’s the guy you fall for when you’re 18 and a freshman in college, not when you have a six year old kid.

And then the debacle happened. Oh the debacle. Apparently I missed Kalon actually saying the baggage comment? I was eating dinner during the show so that must be why but Emily went bananas on his a$$ and it was AWESOME.

Girl threw that “I enjoy you speaking but let me finish” bit right back in homeboy’s face. I loved every smidgen of that. Then there was the hood rat comment. Then she put on a little smirk while saying it. Then went in on how he’s so messed up because she’s like his mama.

"Then get the F*** OUT!"


I did however find it kind of funny that she bitched at all the guys for not telling her about Kalon yet Doug actually did and got absolutely zero credit for it. I don’t really love Doug so I didn’t mind. He’s the guy that would wear crocs to the grocery store remember. It was okay that she completely ignored him helping her.
Oh and we also liked Emily’s trench coat...again.

Commercial Interruption:
Magic Mike. UMM hello! The only commercial I won't get up and scream at my TV for playing over and over.

June 29th, I’ll be at the nearest theater in line for some naked Channing Tatum and some lovely Matthew McConaughey.
Whoever came up with this concept is just pure genius.

Back to the show...

Date with One ‘F’ Jef:
Bravo with the outfit Mr. Jef, finally, it’s been a long time coming. I haven’t totally loved this guy. He’s awkward and he’s just completely not my type but he definitely grew on me this week.

The tea business was outrageous…who on Earth is planning these dates. I don’t think I’ve like a single one yet.

And WHY did he not kiss her when they were way up high overlooking the city after dinner?! And why did he need to carry out a two minute conversation about why he didn’t and why he should before actually doing it. These guys are just killing me. Pull a Ryan and just plant it on that sucker, I know she’d appreciate it much more.

Rose Ceremony:
Alejandro went home. We knew that was coming. There was nothing wrong with him; he just never got an ounce of airtime the poor mushroom farmer.

She also left Arie there hanging around until the very last rose. Bravo Emily, you let him sweat it out and show him who’s boss.

Does anyone else get confused by Ricki? She’s 6. Why can’t she form coherent sentences? You do that at 6 don’t you?
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