I Mean...The Bachelorette Episode 2
But seriously...what the frig was with the 30 minute long Kermit and Miss Piggy show? I much prefer my never aging Chris Harrison as host than some hand puppet. Apparently I wasn't one of those kids that grew up on this show.
And the damn Muppet skits went on for days. This show already eats away at my precious time clock so I could've used one less "Rainbow Connection" and a few more shots of Ryan's face.
Anyway. On to the real reason for this post: The Bachelorette Recap.
Cookie baking date with Ryan
1. I loved and hated that this was her date choice. Loved because I really genuinely hope that these relationships last longer than it takes to bake the batch of cookies, hated because I would have liked seeing the naked glory that is Ryan jump out of a helicopter into some fancy blue lagoon.
2. I thought the date went smashingly well.
3. I loved their southern "I need a chase" banter (because that's basically how I interact on every single one of my own dates) (minus the southern part).
4. I obviously loved getting to stare at a 42" HD version of Ryan for a solid 15 minutes.
(+30 points for Ryan. We like him. And his face.)
(-1 point for Emily because I'm not sure how she resisted kissing him all day)
The Muppet show group date
I think I blacked this whole part out because of Miss Piggy's annoying voice but a few things that stuck with me are:
1. Charlie is good looking and manly and pretty darn precious the way he openly admits to Emily that he still has issues with his accident. Bless his heart.
2. I cannot get over Stevie's jersey boy attitude/voice/demeanor/style. He looks like a peepee (can't use words related to s e x because Jes taught me that you can get flagged for being a blog of "adult content") with a hat on. And he acted like one too. Pretty sure ABC and MTV crossed paths and mixed up the Jersey Shore vs. Bachelorette castings.
3. Kelon aka "Chopper" wore a white button down sweater which made me think ABC got their casting mixed up again. He looked like he should've been a contestant trying to win a Bachelor's heart not Emily's. Oh and then there was the Louis Vuitton luggage comment at the end which solidified my beliefs.
(-25 points for being the most pretentious ahole ever)
The West Virginia date with Joe
1. Well this was pretty obvious from the beginning - dude was packing his bags. Wait he already did that before the date. Oh well, he was going home either way.
2. There were absolutely no sparks sprouting on this date. As soon as she read her love clock note we knew he was getting the boot.
3. Too bad ABC decided it was still necessary to shoot fireworks off while the poor guy exited the premises. Nothing like celebrating getting dumped...
(-100 to ABC producers for being meany heads)
The Rose Ceremony
1. Oh Ryan, why must you have written a novel for Emily? You tell her that you're going to make her work for you and then you throw 7 (!) SEVEN (!!!) pages of your feelings out there for her to have to read through? Haven't you watched any of these shows before? You save that long heartfelt mushy crap for when you're in the final two.
(-a mere 2 points because you were still pretty throughout the awkwardness)
2. I like Arie. He makes her nervous. This is a GREAT sign. Like like like.
(+15 points for the race car driver)
3. WHY DID SHE GIVE A ROSE TO STEVIE
(-1,000 points to Emily)
(+15 points to Stevie for somehow hanging in there by his peepee beanie)
4. I could feel the knife in Stevie's heart when Kelon was picked first. Kelon is annoying. Period.
(-a few more points for you Chopper boy)
5. Nate needs to freaking speak up. He's a little cutie and I need to know who he is. Thank you.
(he gets a draw at 0)
Now if I haven't killed you with my point system and you're still with me...
Our winner is Ryan with 20 points (+30 for being awesome on his date and negative 10 for his stupid note).
Arie comes in at a close second with 15 points.
That is all folks.
Go link up with Meg to share your own recap.