Bachelorette Recap

Episode #3

So this was a night for a fairy tale as well as a few train wrecks.
Let's just get right on with it.

Date #1 with Chris:
I thought this date went really well. That is until I saw her date with Arie and now it just seems somewhat mediocre but we'll get to Arie later. Oh yes we will.

The producers finally had them doing some typical Bachelor activities IE. climbing up a building together attached to ropes.

Yawn.
But then there was Luke Bryan singing this summer's country anthem "Drunk on You" and everything was right in the world again. I don't even really like country music anymore and this song still makes me happy.

Group Date:
Props to Emily for making the boys (P.S. I hate how she calls them "her boys", they aren't your groupies, one of them will (hopefully) be your husband, that's weird girl) crap their panties by having them meet her friends.

I would totally do this to get down to the nitty gritty.

Emily's one friend is hands down going to marry Sean if Em doesn't. Girl was alllll over that man candy. Like she literally sat on him.
My main man Ryan lost major points this week. And no, not because of the fat comment that everyone freaked out about. I'll probably say the same thing to my future husband, give the man a break and stop acting so sensitive sally.

What lost him the points was by acting like he's playing a game a football, Emily being the pigskin. She has made it blantantly obvious that she is 100% serious about finding not only a husband, but a Dad for Ricky. That's no game my friend.

Date #2 with Arie:
Enter fairy tale. These two looked like they were already married dancing away to Dolly Parton.

P.S. Dolly Parton's boobs? I just can't.
"Why would you trust a girl with tits bigger than her head?"
If you don't know where that quote came from you can't be my friend you should probably turn on Bravo and rot your brain with me to The Real Housewives of OC.

Oh yeah, back to Arie - we love Arie. He took a leap into first place this week for obvious reasons. I won't bore you.

Rose Ceremony:
Alessandro. Oh Alessandro. I honestly caught myself with my head tilted down to my computer screen, jaw open, maybe a little drool dripping, in complete SHOCK at this idiot.
First off, I couldn't even follow along with his way of speaking. I for real thought he was half brain dead before remembering he was one of the foreign ones and had a communication barrier.
THEN he goes on to prove he actually is brain dead by telling Emily that Ricky is a compromise. I'm confused, what does this even mean? Dumbfounded. I would have hit him.
TRAIN WRECK NUMBER ONE

Then there was Kalon. If you've been following along, you all know that I've wanted to punch this pompous prickly porcupine from the very beginning.
And then he goes and does something that makes me want to drill his face even farther into the screwed up hole he came from.
"I enjoy listening to you speak but I really wish you'd let me finish" OH no he didn't!
I would have taken his hand and dragged him right to the nearest cab. No limos for this one. He can take his rolled up pant legs, slicked back hair, and fake rimmed glasses and truck his butt home in the nastiest smelling cab he can find.
TRAIN WRECK NUMBER TWO

Then there was the scene where Emily was sad about Alessandro being a donkey and somehow managed to find Prince Arie in a corner and he was the cutest snuggle bug ever and comforted her and THEN got all the glory of a full on make out session when he already had the rose. (I'm fully aware that was a run on, I'm that excited about him)
THIS GUY WINS IT, HE MUST.

Oh and P.S. Jersey Boy Pee Pee Hat Head went home.
Boom.