Bachelorette Recap

Episode One

So our guilty little pleasure is finally back. I'm not sure why I say "finally" since I feel like it was just yesterday that I was complaining about Ben's shag rag of a hair cut and Courtney's effed up, non-existant lippy smile.

But anyway, it's a new day, a new season and I am thrilled! If you are one of the sane individuals who actually has something worthwhile to be doing with your life instead of vegging out in front of date drama for two hours every Monday then by all means click that little red box at in the corner of your screen. I won't be offended. I just might envy you.

If you don't have a life and enjoy crappy tv then come stop by every Tuesday morning for a little Bachelorette recap.

Here we go:

I honestly was bored out of my mind last night. I know that it was the first episode and there isn't much going on because you're just getting pinball machined around from dude to d-bag to handsome to crazy to d-bag to hott to wtf to sweet to d-bag once again but STILL I need a little excitement ABC. The ostrich egg, helicopter, and boom box just didn't cut it.

This was somewhat expected, though, since I have always felt that Emily is pretty flat in the personality department. This is because she is too gosh darn sweet and it kills me. No one can be that prim, proper, gorgeous, sweet, caring, and put together without having an ounce of sass in them right? She kills me. She seriously said "I'll come find you later" more times than I swallowed last night. Booooooring.

This all changed once the best part of the entire episode came on: the season preview. My absolute favorite part is the scene where she says "Do you have anything to say for yourself? No? Well then get the F**K out!"

Oh my good golly - the angel sent from heaven swore AND has some sass buried deep inside her precious heart?! Hallelujah, this might actually be a great season.

Since that's about the only thing that really captured me last night I'll just give you my quick rundown of best and worst guys.

My Top Five Favorites:

Disclaimer: All of these guys are actually pretty good looking IRL OTV (On TeleVision) so don't judge the creepy ABC pics that resemble the backgrounds I had to choose from for school pictures in 5th grade. You know those ones where you had to hold on to the two black handle bars to make sure you were straight. Those same black handle bars that always showed up in my pictures because I was midget fun-sized as a kid.

I digress...

1. Ryan: 31, former football player turned trainer
So he's an athlete, ding ding ding we have a winner folks. I love athletes. He was also the one who came in with the crumpled note that said "You are beautiful" and "I'm so nervous" on it. Tall dark and handsome + pulled off a quirky move while still maintaining an ounce of swagger = top pick in my book.

2: Arie: 30, Race Car Driver
He was sincere about making sure that Emily was okay with his profession and I thought that was sweet. He also has some pretty eyeballs.

3. Chris: 25, Corporate Sales Director
Well #1 - he's gosh darn good looking. And #2 - I think #1 covers it.

4. Nate: 25, Accountant
He was by far the cutest when stepping out of the limo and she thought so too because she mumbled "So cute" as he walked away. That's a good sign. 

5. Doug: 33, Charity Director/Realtor
His looks aren't really at the top of my list (obviously, since I put him down here at #5) but he by far was the best personality wise. Why? Because he brought a note for Emily from his 11 year old son. Genius move buddy. Genius move. He ended up getting the first impression rose. Shocker.

My Top Five Idiots: In no particular order

A 41 year old, yes I said it FORTY ONE YEAR OLD with six, yes I said it SIX KIDS...oh and a mole. Obviously he was a goner. I mean I get mad at ABC for wasting one of the 25 slots on someone that everyone in America knows isn't going to make the cut.

He showed up carrying an Ostrich egg because it symbolized Emily and Ricky's beauty. Uh? I'm pretty sure they look nicer than a big ol' egg. He also vowed to protect the thing but then handed it off to every homeboy in the casa. He falls into the idiot category quite smoothly

This one arrived late on a helicopter. I'm not sure why this is at all exciting since everyone on the show travels more frequently via chopper than by car. And I'm not sure why he thought it was important to show off his wealth since most of the guys casted are pretty well off. This guy falls into that d-bag pinball slot.

 He is solely in this category for looking like Shaggy from Scooby Dooby Doo. I despise long hair. I get confused by long hair. No No No.

 He showed up carrying a boom box "dancing" his way up to Emily. Wrong. He also has a thug boy attitude, coincidentally he's from Jersey, no surprise there. Oh and the soul patch? Are we serious with that thing? GA-ROSS!

And that wraps up the first episode of The Bachelorette season #1247.

Do you watch this show?
What are your opinions on the guys?
(In other words, make me feel better about spending 20 minutes posting about this nonsense)

P.S. I'm going to start linking up with Anne amd Meg to dish the drama every Tuesday so head on over to their link up and join in.