I'm this way with just about anything. Whether it's about what I want for dinner or about what color diaper bag I want to buy (P.S. I got this one). I go back and forth and switch emotions at the drop of a dime.
That's even the case with this baby squished inside my belly taking up all my room for Chipotle and black raspberry ice cream cones.
I texted Trevor saying something along the lines of "I'm so unbelievably excited for her to get here already. I just want to see her and know her and have her be ours. But I also don't ever want her to come because I'm going to miss it just being us and Pudge and getting to be lazy all afternoon watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on the couch."
True life, guys.
I feel like one of those "second time around" moms who's mourning the end of it just being them and their first born, except I'm feeling sad about the end of "Just Trevor and Erin" life.
Because it's weird when you don't really plan to have a baby and one just surprisingly pops up out of nowhere when you didn't think it was possible for one to do any popping at all.
We didn't get to actively decide to end our days of sleeping in, and spending money on "fun" instead of on diapers, and going to the bar instead of the playground. The change was forced upon us instead.
The instances when I feel this way are rare (usually when I wake up to pee at 2am feeling like a zombie and realize I'm going to have to be doing a whoooooole lot more of that in two months) but they're there. And I feel guilty that I don't feel more guilty about it. I mean, I feel like it's a pretty normal reaction for someone with a surprise pregnancy, no?
I didn't have the heads up telling me to go take the vacations I really want to take, or to save up more money, or to buy a bigger family friendly house before the two pink lines showed up. I didn't really have a pre-baby bucket list, but there are definitely things that I would've done before bringing a baby into this crazy world of mine now that I can retroactively look back.
But don't get me wrong here...
I'm 100% over the moon thrilled about becoming a mom and I honeslty don't even really have the words to describe my excitement about this little lady coming into our world, but I think it's still totally okay to already be missing our baby-less life. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that even parents who do plan to have children still somewhat mourn the loss of their pre-baby lives.
And I don't feel guilty because I know that as soon as we see her we'll never wish to ever go back to living a day without her.